Dilisinlove's Phan Oneshot Galaxy
by YourEyesHoldTheGalaxy
Summary: Oneshots from my tumblr @dilisinlove. Updated at least once a month. Every story is an individual unless stated otherwise. Warning: Swearing in most fics, warnings for each fic is at the beginning. *I do not claim that any of my stories are real in Dan and Phil's life. These were created as a form of creative writing.*
1. I Caused This

I Caused This

Type: Angst, Fluff, Cliché, and I'm so sorry in advance.

Word Count: 1419

AN: This is my first Phan one shot so please don't hate too much. I tried. If you have any suggestions as to other one shot for either phan or zalfie I'll be glad to try. Just send them in my ask box. Okay enjoy, hopefully.

*Dan's POV*

I turned the camera on once it was in its usual position angled towards the middle of his brightly colored bed spread. I hit the record button and lowered myself into frame. I took a deep breath. _You can do this,_ it's _going to be okay._

"Hey guys" I say with little enthusiasm and a little wave. I realize what I have just done my face falls as does my heart. Why would I do this to myself, I was already in too much pain. I being to sob slightly, and then remember the purpose of this video and lose myself into a deep painful cry that seemed to have been stored for far too long. _You caused this, all of it, the whole thing it's your own fault. You caused this._ It's true. I caused it.

~~~~~FlashyBacko~~~~~

It was early in the morning and I had just woken up, Phil was in the Living room turning on the fire due to the subzero temperature that lingered in the flat. I was in the kitchen making us some pancakes for breakfast, when the time came, however, to add in the milk, I realized I didn't have enough.

"Shit" I cursed under my breath resenting myself slightly for not checking to see beforehand.

"Sorry, what did you say, I couldn't hear." Phil said tiredly as he entered the kitchen.

"We are out of milk, I don't have enough to finish the pancakes." I stated with a bit of anger and he giggled in reply.

"I'll go out and get some then. Will that make you happy?" He asked inching forward so he could wrap his arms around my waist from behind. I couldn't help but smile slightly as his breath hit my neck as he rested his chin on my shoulder.

"Yeah I guess." I stated stubbornly, but with a smile prominent on my face, surely exposing my dimple.

"Okay, I'll go pick us up some then." He said turning me around and planting a quick kiss onto my lips. "I'll be back soon. I love you." He said grabbing his flat keys, phone, and wallet, stuffing them into his cookie monster pajama pants.

"Hurry back, Love you!" I yelled just as he shut the door behind him. I smiled fondly at my wonderful boyfriend.

~~~~~~End of Flashback~~~~~~

However, he never would come back. And that was all on me. That was the last interaction we had, and his last interaction with anyone really. And why? Because I screwed up, I caused it all.

I rushed back into the moment and realized I was lying on his bed with my planted into his pillows holding Lion. He hardly ever slept in here other than when I was sick or vice a versa. It still smelled of him though. As I inhaled deeply, my tears still rushing out of my eyes, I fall deeper into despair as I realize he won't be coming home ever again. And I'm the one that caused it.

I sat up after remembering the original purpose of why I was in here. I look up into the camera, and decided then that I couldn't edit this, so it will have to go up as raw footage. I quickly wipe away my tears. They still had no idea.

"Um, sorry about that." I say quietly. "This video is, um, a, is, one, that I-I um, never wanted to make." I stuttered through. "Phil is" I pause as I feel my stomach tinge at the mention of his name, my heart burst in a mix of emotions that range for love to hate to remorse to grateful. "he is, um, he's no longer," I break again having tears cascading down my cheeks, but I carry on, dreading the words I know I have to say. The words I so badly want to be false. "with us." I add silently. "I miss him so much." I wipe away the tears that won't stop coming. "You have no idea how amazing and wonderful he was. He didn't deserve this. He should still be here." _He should._ "I loved him more than I can even comprehend. He made me who I am. He was part of me. And now-now I'm missing part of me." I pause and wipe away the cascading tears and inhale with little gasps. "I'm sorry I had to make this announcement." I say quietly. "He really loved you all." I had lost any grasp on what to say. "I might upload again on his channel in the future." I say dreading thinking about not having Phil be with me through it all, as I know no one but he could make a hurt like this go away, then again no one could cause a hurt like this other than him. "Bye guys." I say, trying to sound light hearted. I get up and pressed the record button once more stopping the camera from recording and then turn off the camera. I get the camera off the tripod and haul it into the longue where I open my computer and login. As my computer logs in, my tears start to harden on my face, making it feel tight and gross. I removed the sd card from the slot in the camera and slid it into my laptop. I open the folder once I slid into my sofa crease which I would give up because it no longer feels as content as Phil's arms would. I open the camera's file to find that Phil had recorded something that he hadn't posted onto youtube yet. I clicked on the video, already regretting it as my heart ached when I saw his face.

"Hey Dan! So this is Phil, obviously you would know that by looking at this video wouldn't you. Okay anyway, where was I going again? Oh yeah. So Dan, you know how much I love you so I decided that I'd make us a little video telling all the cute memories we had together. I know you like these kind of things and I thought with the book coming out soon it might be nice and all. Okay I'm rambling I need to stop. Okay were to start." Phil said as I began to cry he listed out all of our precious moments some of which only he and I shared others that everyone knew about. He spoke of deep skype calls way back in 2009 and little midnight kisses. He spoke of first fights and first dates. He spoke of vacations and jokes and our love. He was smiling ear to ear throughout the whole video. It ended with him saying how lucky he was too have me and that he was glad that I had liked him so much to have fangirled over him. He ended with "I love you so much Dan Howell." I could no longer produce tears. I felt ill. I quickly exited out of the video and looked at when it was recorded. A day prior to it happening. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I caused this. I caused all my pain, all of it. I'm the reason he's gone. I was starting to see all black, my vision going in and out.

"Dan, Honey are you okay, what's wrong?" My eyes shot open and I quickly gathered my thoughts as I peered around the room. Phil's room. It was dark outside, I quickly remember how I was woke and peer at the figure lying next to me. His piercing blue eyes staring up at me. I smile and feel the tightness in my face. "You were crying Dan, is everything alright?"

I lean down and plant a kiss on his lips, confirming that this is the real world, no dreaming. I pull away still smiling. "I'm perfect, just had a bad dream." I say as I sink back down into the bed, pressing my bare back into his bare chest as he wraps his arms around us, entwining our fingers.

"Want to talk about it?" He asks softly breathing down into my shoulder. My heart begins to slow it's pace and my mind being to forget the dream, now only able to call something about pancakes and milk.

"No, it's not real. This. _This_ is real." I say closing my eyes falling to sleep slowly feeling his chest rising and falling in time with mine, knowing full and well, that he'll be here to scare away the nightmares.

Oh God (Phan)

Type: Angst, and fluff. This is really shitty I'm so sorry.

Word Count: 706

Summary: Phil and Dan exchange a few harsh words.

A/N: This sucks I'm sorry. I had an idea, it didn't work.

*Phil's POV*

"MAYBE if you would open your eyes you would SEE THAT I'm TRYING HERE!" I screamed at him. My words scratched my throat. My blood boiling as our disagreement escalated.

"LIKE HELL YOU ARE! I'M TRIED OF COMING SECOND!" He screams loudly back. I see the hurt in his eyes, but for some reason I go on.

"WELL I'M SO SORRY THAT YOUR FEELINGS ARE HURT!" I mock him, waving my hands about. Growing angry that he doesn't see that I love him, that I am not intending to hurt him. "WHY CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'RE FIRST NOT SECOND, DAN? Huh?" I look at him waiting for a reply. When none is given I carry on. "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE EVERYTHING A SCREAMING MATCH?! WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN PARINOD? GOD WHY DO YOU ACT SO NEEDY! SOMETIMES I WISH WE'D NEVER MET!" I immediately regret my words. Hands fly to my mouth. I open my mouth to apologize, but he cuts me off.

"I HATE YOU! GOD YOU'RE HORRIBLE! HOW COULD I HAVE EVER THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME?!" He screamed at me, my throat tightened, threatening tears as he continued now almost silently. His eyes are hurt and his face is now pure anger, and he has every right to be, what I said was uncalled for. "You're a liar, you never loved me. I was just some toy wasn't I? You knew I loved you, this whole god damn time, and you said it back." My anger died down, now a mixture of pain and regret filled my heart. "I didn't EVEN FUCKING MATTER DID I?" He screamed edging backwards when I approached him, trying to show him that he did matter. "YOU JUST ARE AWFUL! HOW COULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT TO ME? HOW could you pretend to care?" He slumped against a wall. Tears streaming down his face, he looked at me pained, I edged closer and he didn't move, but he spoke again. "Did any of it matter to you? Or was it all fake? Did I mean anything to you?" I broke. I shouldn't have, he is probably thinking of it the wrong way.

"Dan, I'm so sorry I didn't mean it. I was angry." I sat directly in front of him, cupping his face lightly. "Oh god, I'm such an idiot oh god. Don't you ever think you mean nothing to me okay?" I lightly wipe his tears away, all while staring into his caramel orbs that are signaling hurt and a broken heart. "All of it matters. All of it. All six years of it. All the cuddles and I love yous. All of it was real, _is_ real. Dan please please forgive me. I was just angry. I don't know what I was thinking. I love you. Oh god I love you." I say pleading for his forgiveness as I watch him analyze my face for any sign I'm lying. He found none and his whole body relaxed. He gave into my touch and pulled me closer, now setting me on his lap. I snuggle into his neck, kissing it lightly.

"I think we're just tried Phil." He said in a muffled voice as he spoke into my hair. "Why did you say it though, do you honestly feel that way?" I whispered.

"I don't feel that way at all, meeting you was the second best decision of my life." I reply honestly.

"What was the first best?" He asked slightly offended, quickly returning to our usual banter. Oh god, I'm glad I hadn't royally screwed up.

"Falling in love with you." I reply picking my head up and placing a kiss on his chapped lips to ensure he knew that I was being honest. I felt him smile as we parted from our shy little love filled kiss.

"I love you, Phil." He replied kissing my once again, but this time with more passion, but just as much love. I pulled away for a hot second to reply.

"I love you, Dan." I replied against his mouth, carrying on with our kissing until nothing mattered but us, the words gone now, forgotten as love passed out lips and flowed through our veins.


	2. Too Many Miles

Too Many Miles

Phan One Shot (Requested)

Type: Fluff and cliché

Word Count: 1637

Summary: Things you said with too many miles between us.

AN: I was requested to make this and it turned out okay I guess. Hope you enjoy my second ever phan one shot.

My dimly lit screen showed him sitting on his bed when the skype call video appeared. My heart dropped as I was away from him and missed him so much. He was away from me on holiday with his family. The Lester's were known for their family trips. I was still stuck in the cold busy city of London, but with no one to cuddle.

"Hey, Phil." I said as he turns to face his screen, only now realizing it was on. His lips spread into a giant grin as his eyes met mine. My face mimicked his, causing my heart to race as I felt overcome with happiness. And even though the quality was shit, his eyes were still amazing, even if they consisted of 4 pixels each.

"Hey Dan, I've missed you so much! I saw the video you posted to our gaming channel." He said quickly and I smiled wider as he spoke, missing his voice, but not as much as missing his kisses and cuddles each night.

"Yeah? How did you enjoy it?" I said smiling broadly, as he went off on a Phil tangent. The conversation went on like that for about three hours. Him asking me things, us going on about useless things that no one would really care about. But we did. We cared about each other and anything we talked about, especially while we only had this little time to do so. Those three hours were not enough. I was used to having him by my side every single day, and now he isn't here, and I'm lonely. I miss him so much. I want his arms around my waist and my head to be lying on his shoulder, my hobbit hair tickling his neck. But there are too many miles for that to happen.

"I have got to go soon…" Phil trailed off looking down at his fingers, I could tell he hated leaving just as much as I did. We felt lost when the other wasn't near. Everyone always asked us if we were conjoined at the hip. I mean whenever people hear my name they think of Phil as well. We never did this separate because we were like one person. It's always Dan and Phil or AmazingPhil and danisnotonfire. Never one without the other and now, here we are, separated by miles.

"I know…" I say feeling my heart sink as I realized he'd have to be off to sleep in the next half hour, which was not enough time to make my heart feel a little better about the distance between us. "I love you, and miss you loads." I say redirecting my eyes to his pixelated image. "I wish I could give you little kisses on your neck and lips." I say receiving a blushing Phil in return.

"Don't say that Dan." He said sadly, I could tell that he missed me too. We hardly went into sentimental mode where we would say coupley stuff, we had our own way of expressing love. But in certain cases, like this one, we couldn't help but go into normal couple mode, where all the I love you's would slip out and all the missing you loads would surly come. I mean don't get me wrong we say we love each other all the time, and not only through those three words that are said too much. Sometimes when I think about my feeling for my little lion, they don't feel like enough.

"Why?" I asked slightly shocked that he didn't want to hear my terms of endearment. He was usually the one to start saying the normal coupley things. His mouth twitched into a sad smile telling me that it wasn't that he didn't like them but something else. I could feel his sad eyes gazing into my eyes, reading my thoughts.

"There are too many miles between us," He said slowly and then I understood, he was right. The miles in between us were always a problem in that sense a lot. I mean when we are together, which is always, we can go into the room the other is in and cuddle and kiss and stuff, but when we are hours away from one another, that's quite hard. It always reminds me of 2009 when we could only skype and never touch. It always amazes me that we loved each other way back then and could only have physical contact when we traveled hours to one another. "I can't attack you with hugs and kisses. I can't give you my love like I want to, and it only make my heart break even more when you say those things because they can't happen." He looked at me with the saddest puppy dog eyes I've ever seen when he said this. I wanted to reach into the screen and carefully kiss his lips and pull him into a hug. I realized what he said was true. There were too many miles between us for me to be saying those things, because he was right, it hurt that they couldn't happen. At least they couldn't happen yet. He would be coming back tomorrow, so we could hug and cuddle and kiss then. But 24 hours is a long time, anything could happen, people are born and die every 24 hours. I looked at him to see tears welling in his eyes and my heart felt like someone had stabbed it.

"Phil" I said lightly earning a small smile on his part, "you better not have tears in your eyes, because I'll get angry if you do." I said to him with a loving tone. I hate when I can't comfort him, but what I hate more is that I caused this slightly. "You can't cry because I'm not there to wipe the tears away, and I can't kiss a smile onto your lips, so please, Phil, please, look on the bright side, only 24 hours and we can be together again." He looked up at me, wiping his eyes and laughed. His tongue stuck out a little as he did so.

"24 hours huh?" He said with a smiling fading onto his face. I nodded and smiled back at him shaking my head. Wondering how the hell I got so lucky as to call him mine. He looked at me with confusion written on his face. "What?" He said with a little giggle. I laughed a little as well.

"Nothing," I said knowing that I can't tell him, especially with all these miles between us, what I'm thinking. I can't tell him that he is my knight in shining armor who made me happy when skies were grey, or how he was the reason I was here, not a lawyer, and able to make so many people happy. I can't tell him that when I look at him I see this amazing guy that I still idolize, or that I know is too good for me. I can't say that I would risk my life, even give it up, if it meant he was happy and safe. I can't tell him that I would much rather have him be happy then myself. I can't tell him these things, among many others, because he can't come over and give me a hug and kiss and tell me something stupid, just like he always does. We'll be mid cuddle and he'll ramble on about the fact that a tomato is a fruit not vegetable or something irrelevant, but that's one of the many things I love about him.

"Come on tell me." He urged me on. I felt my eyes drop to my keyboard and a smile wide on my face. Oh god I love him so much. In times like these I remember a poem from a while back that said: "you can't love someone unless you love yourself first" bull shit, I have never loved myself, but you, oh god, I loved you so much, I forgot what hating myself felt like.

And that was the truth. When Phil and I started to become friends, I wasn't the nicest to myself. And I already knew I loved Phil. I mean what's not to love. I forced these thoughts out of my brain and tried desperately to come up with anything to tell my little lion, other than the truth, as it would be embarrassing.

"I was thinking of…" I can't lie to him as his face lit up, and he looked so innocent, that I would feel guilty. "you." I say with embarrassment, looking away from him. This was my boyfriend and yet I felt embarrassed to tell him this, but when I reconnected our gaze he looked so happy, with a glint of love resting in his eyes.

"I love you so much Dan." He said smiling and I couldn't help but smile a little as he said this, because even though I'd heard this millions of times before, they still made my stomach bubble with love.

"And I love you Phil." I said, trying to get across everything I wanted to tell him in those words and those only. I smiled knowing that I could last those 24 hours till I could be with him. "We better end the call." I say with a sad smile on my face.

"I guess, I love you." Phil says waving a little bit with a small smile on his face.

"Love you too. Good night." I say and the screen goes black. I close my computer and set it on the floor, deciding the best way to pass time would be too sleep. I closed my eyes, drifting to sleep, thinking of my little lion and all the things we said, regretting the miles between us.

 _Hope you enjoyed. I am thinking of making this a two part one shot, if you'd like. I have an idea of what to do next. But it's up to you. Okay, thanks for reading! Suggest stuff to me if you have an idea of what you want me to write._


	3. Oh God (Currently Not Available)

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p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="324d8bbe7215c114109f9e3d7b6d1ec3"Word Count: 706/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ef3525c45dd378b22b40c453e13826c1"Summary: Phil and Dan exchange a few harsh words./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="16317f1f6e69e5725ab41ec584f94bae"A/N: This sucks I'm sorry. I had an idea, it didn't work./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="53645bfc57cf93adc9bf98be6ded574d"*Phil's POV*/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="344a13aa9fea802b700ad48c57e6932f" "MAYBE if you would open your eyes you would SEE THAT I'm TRYING HERE!" I screamed at him. My words scratched my throat. My blood boiling as our disagreement escalated. /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="374265b39d9fc294628992e4b6263d0c""LIKE HELL YOU ARE! I'M TRIED OF COMING SECOND!" He screams loudly back. I see the hurt in his eyes, but for some reason I go on./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7078b18ceb0871ebb8c80a48a38ae902""WELL I'M SO SORRY THAT YOUR FEELINGS ARE HURT!" I mock him, waving my hands about. Growing angry that he doesn't see that I love him, that I am not intending to hurt him. "WHY CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'RE FIRST NOT SECOND, DAN? Huh?" I look at him waiting for a reply. When none is given I carry on. "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE EVERYTHING A SCREAMING MATCH?! WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN PARINOD? GOD WHY DO YOU ACT SO NEEDY! SOMETIMES I WISH WE'D NEVER MET!" I immediately regret my words. Hands fly to my mouth. I open my mouth to apologize, but he cuts me off./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="52026b4aaed63409460af7e57bb08385""I HATE YOU! GOD YOU'RE HORRIBLE! HOW COULD I HAVE EVER THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME?!" He screamed at me, my throat tightened, threatening tears as he continued now almost silently. His eyes are hurt and his face is now pure anger, and he has every right to be, what I said was uncalled for. "You're a liar, you never loved me. I was just some toy wasn't I? You knew I loved you, this whole god damn time, and you said it back." My anger died down, now a mixture of pain and regret filled my heart. "I didn't EVEN FUCKING MATTER DID I?" He screamed edging backwards when I approached him, trying to show him that he did matter. "YOU JUST ARE AWFUL! HOW COULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT TO ME? HOW could you pretend to care?" He slumped against a wall. Tears streaming down his face, he looked at me pained, I edged closer and he didn't move, but he spoke again. "Did any of it matter to you? Or was it all fake? Did I mean anything to you?" I broke. I shouldn't have, he is probably thinking of it the wrong way./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6c62f7af9f26bd18be8d82c1abedb0d9""Dan, I'm so sorry I didn't mean it. I was angry." I sat directly in front of him, cupping his face lightly. "Oh god, I'm such an idiot oh god. Don't you ever think you mean nothing to me okay?" I lightly wipe his tears away, all while staring into his caramel orbs that are signaling hurt and a broken heart. "All of it matters. All of it. All six years of it. All the cuddles and I love yous. All of it was real, em style="box-sizing: border-box;"is/em real. Dan please please forgive me. I was just angry. I don't know what I was thinking. I love you. Oh god I love you." I say pleading for his forgiveness as I watch him analyze my face for any sign I'm lying. He found none and his whole body relaxed. He gave into my touch and pulled me closer, now setting me on his lap. I snuggle into his neck, kissing it lightly./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4155c8b10ce2d7693eee7757c8dc0b17""I think we're just tried Phil." He said in a muffled voice as he spoke into my hair. "Why did you say it though, do you honestly feel that way?" I whispered./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3609fad4c747c8d304aa526077d1d92f""I don't feel that way at all, meeting you was the second best decision of my life." I reply honestly./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="86592e5cf15df7eb5fe6b41aa389d936""What was the first best?" He asked slightly offended, quickly returning to our usual banter. Oh god, I'm glad I hadn't royally screwed up./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c7206b1800005cfba2d774d55b682d91""Falling in love with you." I reply picking my head up and placing a kiss on his chapped lips to ensure he knew that I was being honest. I felt him smile as we parted from our shy little love filled kiss./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="499cce26e99475fd5c1a0ab086505c3e""I love you, Phil." He replied kissing my once again, but this time with more passion, but just as much love. I pulled away for a hot second to reply./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="06a7bc1c04d1f31c8d23bf0585ad7619""I love you, Dan." I replied against his mouth, carrying on with our kissing until nothing mattered but us, the words gone now, forgotten as love passed out lips and flowed through our veins./p 


	4. Unbreakable

_Unbreakable_ (Phan One-shot)

Ship: Phan

Summary: Dan reflects on his relationship with Phil.

Word Count: 1,114 (whoop whoop)

Type: Angst, Fluff (kinda not really any fluff)

Warnings: Sad feelings, Post Breakup

POV: 1st person, Dan

A/N: If you want a sequel that be okay! Also feedback is nice. Also this might suck and have some errors, don't hate me, I'm human!

You know, sometimes it doesn't work out. Sometimes things fall apart, but I guess, I guess I was hoping that we wouldn't fall apart. I was wrong. We fell apart. You moved on, you probably found someone else, someone who smiles more, doesn't have insecurities as big as I do. We always said we would hold on. We said we would be okay, because we made it through six, almost seven years, before we broke. I should have known that our story was no different.

We could barely keep our eyes open enough to do our jobs, never mind time for one another. Sure, sometimes we would be on Cloud Nine, but other times it was hell on earth, and those are when I would pray to anyone who would listen, that as long as you were happy I would be. I'd go into our room, and crawl next to you, telling you I was in the wrong and just tired and promising that we were fine, _unbreakable._ We had our good days, just like everyone. Days where we had to cut out large portions of videos. We would wake up and smile because the world was bearable if we woke up next to one another. You would give me little kisses on the nose, with your morning breathe and all, and I'd still smile. We were in love.

The bad days are harder to remember if I'm honest. I guess the mind does really block out those days, if only my mind would have let me see, maybe I wouldn't have been so blindsided by our break up. Those days started out fine, with morning kisses and cuddles, but something, big or small, would destroy that. We got into heated fights, ones where things would be thrown and doors would be slammed. But, as an unspoken rule, we never would leave the apartment, never. It was like saying if you leave, you have given up on us. If we needed space to think, we would tell the other, write a note or something, but we never left without a word.

I still remember the way your hand fits in mine, or the feel of your lips on mine. I still feel the warmth of your breathe on my neck, the feel of your arm around my waist, pulling me closer. I remember when tensions were high, all the way back in 2012, I remember avoiding you some days. I look back and think of how stupid that was of me, I should have kept you as close as possible while I had you.

I remember the day we met, our first hug, our first kiss, our first I love you, our first fight, our first Christmas, our first everything. But sadly, I also remember our last hug, our last kiss, our last I love you, our last words to each other, the last day I saw you. I should have fought for you. But I didn't. I let you walk away. I told you too, God how could I have told you too?

You left me, left me here, surrounded by memories. Memories that suffocate me, I was so happy, we were so happy, we had pillow fights, kissing fights, tickle fights, screaming fights. We had late night kisses and early morning cuddles. We still have some memories I can watch, I mean we did vlog a lot when we had those day in the life videos, not everything was included. I watch them sometimes, seeing us happy hurts, it doesn't feel real, sometimes I get lost into them, I'll get up after hours of watching videos and walk to our old room and yank open the door, confused at first when I don't see you there, but then moments pass, and then I'm on the floor, crying, remembering.

You lie to the camera you know, you tell them we still talk, that we still are best friends. You say you need to do something and I need to do things here, your eyes look a little less brighter, your laugh with a little less life, but maybe I'm just imagining things. I don't get how you do that.

It feels like forever, but it hasn't even been a year, hasn't been a month. I'm tired you know. I'm tired of trying, of lying, I'm tired of feeling like shit. I'm tired of waking up and you not being here. I'm tired of having to cry myself to sleep, I'm tired of the pain inside my chest. I'm tired of being god damn _tired._ I'm tired of needing you, even though you saved me from myself back in 2009, and I guess that I didn't realize you were the reason I'm still here.

I miss our gaming channel that is now on a little "break", you even posted a video saying that it would be a while until more videos are uploaded. People are probably wondering where the hell I am, but you never address it, we both don't do live shows.

I miss you. Your eyes, your lips, your laugh, your voice, your hands, I miss _**you.**_

I screwed up, Phil, I royally fucked up. I said things I didn't mean that night, I pushed us too far, and I got you so mad. You walked away, you left, you didn't say why or where to, you just left. You broke our silent promise. So when you returned later that night, knocking on my door, I should have let you in, even if I would have yelled at you, fought again, but I didn't, the door stayed shut. I remember being so mad. I thought you had given up on me, and you hadn't, until I gave you that reason. I avoided you for days, pissed that you had given up on me, to awkward to say anything. To hard-headed to apologize for pushing it too far. I remember the day I came home from my outing to get food. You were waiting on the stairs, a suitcase behind you. I didn't think about the things I said to you, I didn't mean them. I was hurt and all you wanted was to leave for a little bit, a month at the most, but my anger got the better. I yelled at you, making your eyes leak with tears, hating myself for doing that to you. I told you to stay gone, and you did. You stayed gone alright.

I'm sorry. Oh God am I sorry. I'm sorry I still love you. I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry for the promise I couldn't keep, the one where I said we were _unbreakable._


	5. We Really Are Unbreakable

We Really Are _Unbreakable_ (Phan OneShot)

Ship: Phan

Summary: Phil replies to Dan after receiving Dan's heartfelt letter.

Word Count: 2, 308

Type: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: Sad feelings, Post Breakup

POV: 1st person, Phil

A/N: This is the sequel to _Unbreakable_ , so you might want to read that first. Also feedback is nice. Also this might suck and have some errors, don't hate me, I'm human!

Word Count: 2,301

Previous Part was Unbreakable (the previous chapter)

You know, something was always different about us. Maybe we should have felt a break coming on. Sometimes, you're right, it doesn't work out all the time. Sometimes things do fall apart, but I guess, I guess we were hoping that we wouldn't fall apart. We were wrong. We fell apart. But, unlike what you had assumed, I didn't move on, I never found someone else, and besides no one who "smiles more, doesn't have insecurities as big as you do" would even compare to you, but maybe you still aren't ready to hear that, and that's okay. We always said we would hold on. We said we would be okay, because we made it through almost seven years, before we broke. We broke and I left.

You are right, we could barely keep our eyes open enough to film our silly videos or host the radio show, but you seem to forget how we lived off the time we did have for one another. We were on Cloud Nine a lot more than it was "hell on earth" Mr. Rude-mic-downer (yup I burned you, I have ice in the freezer if ya want any). However, on those very few occasions, I remember how bad we both felt, how we would cuddle like we were apart for years, they hurt when they happened, only the pain subsided when we had our little kisses, and other things. It's funny how we both did the same thing, huh? You seem to forget the times I would lay next to you during those "reflective" times of yours, only wanting your happiness, because your smile made my life a little brighter. We would follow the unspoken oath and take turns to go into our room, and crawl next to the other, telling them, in my case my bear aka you, that I was in the wrong (even though we know it was you….jokes not really but I love youuu) and just tired and promising that we were fine, _unbreakable._ I remember when you first said this, I laughed a little, and when you asked me why, I told you what you always said to me, "promises are hard to keep" and I remember it clear as day, you said "Not this one." It was amazing, and somehow stayed unbroken for a good six years, but neither you nor I forgot about our little promise. We had our good days, just like everyone. Days where we had to cut out large portions of videos, I'm sorry, but sometimes you would look at me too long, what was I going to do, just act like nothing was happening, wrong. On those many many _many_ good days, we would wake up and smile because the world was bearable if we woke up next to one another. I would give you little kisses on your nose, all while you would protest, saying it was too early. Even with my morning breathe and all, you'd still smile, sometimes we even would kiss for a bit too long, not that either of us minded getting up a little later. We were in love. We were really in love, Dan.

The bad days are hard for me to look back on if I'm honest. But I remember much more than I let on, I felt like I had to remember them, so I could remember how to take care of us better, so we would last (didn't work too well huh?). Those kind of days started out fine, with morning kisses and cuddles, but something, big or small, would destroy that, sometimes I could tell that today wasn't going to end well, I knew you better than you, I could tell by the way you would hold yourself. We got into heated fights, ones where things would be thrown, (mostly at the floor, but sometimes at the wall, bad Dan, and me that one time but I was really angry!) and doors would be slammed, sorry, that was me. But, as an unspoken rule, we never would leave the apartment, never. It was like saying if you leave, you have given up on us. If we needed space to think, we would tell the other, write a note or something, but we never left without a word. I guess I never really noticed this, until you said so, I just kinda knew.

I still remember the way your hand fits in mine, or the feel of your lips on mine. I still feel your neck under my lips, or your sallow breathe on my neck after falling asleep, the feel of your body under my arm. I remember when tensions were high, all the way back in 2012, I remember you avoiding me some days. I remember thinking I shouldn't push you, you are like fine china to me, especially when you're sad, I don't want you to break.

I remember the day we met, our first hug, our first kiss, our first I love you, our first fight, our first Christmas, our first everything as well. Let's try not to focus on remembering our last(ish) hug, our last(ish) kiss, our last(ish) I love you, our last(ish) words to each other, the last(ish) day I saw you. I should have fought to stay, Dan. But I didn't. I walked away. All the joking aside, I am sorry, I walked away.

I left you, left you there, surrounded by our memories. Memories that, even though I wanted to forget, just as I thought you would, suffocate me, we were so happy, Dan. We had pillow fights, which you won far too many times. We had flirty kissing fights, which usually ended in the morning when we woke up. I won far too many tickle fights, which is funny, you never really seemed ticklish. Worst of all our types of fights is our screaming fights, the ones we should forget, they don't matter. We had late night kisses and early morning cuddles, even when we were sick, which was stupid, but also amazing. Dan, you silly Goose, I have much more footage then I shared with you, _much more._ I mean we did vlog a lot when we had those day in the life videos, not everything was included, and not to mention the clips we have to cut of videos or you know when I would film you and you wouldn't know, but let's not talk about that. Just like you, I would watch them sometimes, seeing us happy really did hurt, when I would watch the clips they didn't feel real, sometimes I would get lost into them, I'll look up after hours of watching videos and reach for my phone, dialing your number before realizing where I was, and why I was gone, I would soon end up crying, stressing, bawling, remembering.

I know I lied to the camera, I would tell them we still talk, that we still were best friends, sometimes I would believe it. I said that there were things I needed to do back home and lying to them saying, that you needed to do things in London. You never posted, Dan. I was worried you know? I didn't get to see your eyes look at me, even if not intended too, I didn't hear your laugh, even though you don't properly laugh on camera it was always with a little less life, I still missed it. I missed you so much, but I thought you fell out of love with me. I don't get how I thought that.

It felt like forever, but it wasn't even a year or even a month. I'm sorry you were tired, I really am. I should have known that you were just angry, and that you didn't mean it, but I'm Phil and I am blind to so many things. Dan, there should be more than just me on your reasons to live list, and I know just a few.

I missed our gaming channel that was on a little "break", I even posted a video saying that it would be a while until more videos were uploaded. People were probably wondering where the hell you were, but I never address it or even bother to look, I didn't have any answers. I remember how on a Tuesday, I just wanted to hear your voice, but you didn't do your broadcast, so I stopped doing mine.

I missed you. Your caramel eyes, your chapped lips, your hypnotic laugh, your adorable articulate voice, your nervous hands, I missed _**you.**_

I screwed up, Dan, I royally screwed us up. Even though you said things I know you didn't mean that night, and I'll admit, you pushed us too far, and I got you so mad. I walked away, I left, I didn't say why or where to, I just left. I broke our silent promise, not even thinking, I don't know why I left, I was just so mad Dan! What was the fight even over? Anyway when I returned later that night, and I was knocking on your old bedroom door, I should have shouted what I wanted to say, not wait politely, even if I would have been yelled at, even if we fought again, I should have done it, but I didn't, the door stayed shut, and I stayed silent. I remember being so mad, but mostly hurt, I felt like I blew it. I thought you had given up on me, and you hadn't, until I gave you that reason. You avoided me for days, pissed that I had left you, and I stayed away, heartbroken that you didn't love me, I was too awkward to say anything. To hard-headed to apologize for leaving. I remember the day you came home from your small outing to get food. I was waiting on the stairs, a suitcase behind me. I was hurt, I didn't think about the result of this action, I was just hurt, I didn't mean I wanted to leave, Dan. I was hurt and all you wanted was to yell at me, and I just wanted to leave for a month at the most, but your anger got the better. You yelled at me, making my eyes leak with tears, hating myself for doing that to you, making you so angry, I felt like I finally dropped my fine china. You told not to come back, you wanted me gone, I was hurt, and so I did. I stayed gone alright, I didn't want to get hurt any more than I was.

I'm sorry. Oh God am I sorry. I'm sorry I still loved you and stayed gone. I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry for the promises that I broke. I'm sorry.

Dan looked up at me after reading my letter, a response to his he sent up a few days ago. I saw tears form in his eyes, and my heart had its strings being pulled. His face went from neutral to sad very suddenly, I was terrified. Had I been to open with my feelings? Had he moved on after sending that letter? My questions were put to ease when Dan stands up and comes over to me, pulling me up from the chair in our lounge and wrapping his arms around my neck, clinging to me like I was the only thing keeping him from floating into space. He buries his face into the side of my neck, and I can feel the coolness of his tears rolling down my neck and shoulders. I put my arms around his waist and pull him closer missing the contact, it was only two weeks, but those were very long when for the past six, almost seven years, we had hardly spent any time apart. I kissed the top of his head, sighing into his brown locks in content. I feel his lips press to my neck, and then he mumbles softly, hardly audible.

"I love you Phil." I move my hands up to his face, cupping his cheeks, and then I pull his face up to mine slowly, softly. Our eyes close as our lips press together, the kiss isn't hungry or rushed, but it's full of love and it is slow and meaningful, with a small salty taste from our tears. After a bit, I pull away, resting my forehead against his. Our eyes open and lock immediately.

"I love you Dan." I whisper, almost as if I were afraid that if I said it any louder, I would wake up from this moment. A small smile cracks onto his lips, I soon follow. He giggles at me, and I'm relieved, when he let's go of his grasp on me, ending our hug, only to entwine our hands, leading us to the couch. Once seated, very close, as if the past two weeks didn't happen, he leans forward and pressed a kiss to my lips, it's short and sweet, and I can tell that many more are going to come. We stay up chatting amongst other things, the whole night, I was home again, and never planning to leave. We share kisses and stories until his shallow breathe is hitting my neck. With great difficulty, I manage to get us to our room, seeing it to be exactly how I had last seen it. After a small struggle, I get into bed beside my loving boyfriend. I pull him closer, his head resting on my chest. I kiss him on the top of the head, murmuring a I love you good night, getting a sleepy reply in return. Listening to his shallow breathing, I am lulled into sleep, with my boyfriend and I together again. Because, as it turns out, we really are unbreakable.


	6. I Love You, I Hate You

I Love You, I Hate You

Words: 2,410

Ship: Phan

Type: Fluff, Angst, Prompt

Description: Dan and Phil pretend to hate one another, only the other person doesn't know they are faking it.

A/N: This was a prompt, if you want to suggest me one, please do.

Dan doesn't hate Phil, he really doesn't. He actually quite likes him, like a lot. It started out as an appreciation for his physical attributes, but then as time wore on, it turned into something bigger. He knew what it was, he had a crush, but he knew that Phil would never have a crush on him. And for some reason, he thought to protect himself from falling harder, he'd act like he hated him. Phil and Dan had actually been somewhat, close. So he knew it would possibly hurt Phil, but not really. Little does Dan know, Phil really likes him, like a lot. Phil really found him intriguing, the way he moves, the way he talks. Needless to say, they both never saw what was coming.

~One Month Later~

Dan carried out his plan, and it worked, sort of. He was no longer falling for Phil, he already hit rock bottom, only now, Phil hates him. Maybe he should have seen it coming, but he hadn't. So now he loves Phil, but has to pretend to hate him. Phil is in the exact same situation, he's in love with Dan, only he acts like he hates him. Phil started acting this way shortly after Dan started avoiding him, or on the very slim occasion when they hung out in a group, throwing glares and rude words his way. So Phil retaliated.

Currently Dan and Phil were sat on opposite ends of a couch, looking anywhere but one another, acting as though they hated the other, when in reality they both loved the other, not that either would have ever guessed. They are hanging out with some of their fellow friends, Chris and PJ, who are two of their closest. Chris shared a look with PJ from the couch opposite of Dan and Phil.

"Alright, game time! Everybody on the floor or else I will pull you down by your ears and no one wants that, now do you?" Chris said rather abruptly, but as if the threat was murder, they began to gather in a circle on the ground. However, Dan moved too slow, unenthusiastic about the game, resulting in only one open spot. Which so happened to be directly next to Phil. Dan's heart fluttered, but acting as an enemy, he rolled his eyes and let out a deep sigh, acting reluctant for the close proximity to the person he loved.

"Dan, sit your ass down, or I'll tell everyone a secret." PJ stated, tried of his best friend's attitude towards Phil, but he could tell it was an act, just like he could tell Phil's was. He could tell these things, just like how he could tell that Chris had a plan, a plan to make the two boys realize the truth.

"Yeah? Like what?" Dan snapped back, but sat anyway. He could feel Phil's warmth radiate from him, and he shuddered at the thoughts of feeling the warmth closer to him than this.

"If you two boys are done now, let's start shall we?" Chris interrupted before PJ could even open his mouth to reply. The three others nodded, slightly scared to get on Chris' bad side, not that Chris would hurt a fly. "Alright, dare or dare time." He stated and half the circle groaned.

"Seriously?" Phil stated wanting to murder them, knowing already that it wouldn't end well for him.

"Yes, now who'll be the first victim? Let's do..." He quickly put his finger to his nose, suggesting noises. Dan was the last one to get his finger to his nose and he groaned at the thought of the prospect of neither being good from himself.

"Shit." Dan muttered, dreading the dares he knew he'd be faced with.

"Dan, I dare you to either, "Chris started, pretending to think for a moment, "kiss Phil or play seven minutes in heaven with him." Dan groaned and flung his head down between his crisscrossed legs.

"Neither." Dan stated into his legs, regretting agreeing to come over when he knew Phil would be there.

"Not an option, but since you chose to be a smart ass, I get to pick." Chris stated, happy with himself to make Dan blush and be forced into something he 'didn't want to do'. "Seven minutes in heaven it is then." He stated, glancing between Dan and Phil, then smirking.

"No," Phil said, not wanting to be in a confined space with the person he had fallen in love with while said person hated his guts.

"Get up, or I'll hand cuff you together, no joke." Chris said seriously, so reluctantly, but without hesitation, both boys stood, only to be dragged by Chris gripping their wrist, down the hall into a small closet, the door was flung open and it was evident that if both boys, being the size that they are, were to fit, they would practically be on top of one another. This wouldn't have been a problem if the other didn't hate him. Phil groaned as he was shoved into the dimly light closest, with Dan following shortly after. The door shut and a click was heard, Dan reached up to feel that the door was locked.

"I'll let you out in fifteen." Chris said starting to walk away, only catching Phil's words shortly before turning the corner to enter the lounge again. "It's seven minutes in heaven not fifteen asshole."

Both boys were sat awkwardly on the floor, feet and knees brushing against each other's, causing the heat to send shivers up Phil's spine.

"I'm sorry." Dan mumbled, barely able to be heard, but Phil did, and he was confused.

"About?" Phil prompted, wanting an explanation.

"Acting like a dick to you, I don't hate you." He replied back softly, finally meeting Phil's deep blue eyes. Phil starred into the chocolate orbs that he felt himself getting lost in, looking for a sign of a lie or joke, but he found nothing.

"I could say the same." Phil murmured back. "I don't hate you, not at all. I miss being friends." Phil said averting his gaze to their knees which kept being bumped into the others. A small soft, smile appeared on the boy's face, happy at the way this was turning out, he had Dan as a friend now, at the very least.

They sat in comfortable silence for no more than a minute, then Phil couldn't help but look up again and say shyly, "You know he won't let us out till we kiss right?"

Dan of course knew this, but wasn't it too soon, not that he didn't want to or anything but they just made up. "A-Are you sure you'd be okay with that?" Dan stuttered. Phil nodded but didn't say anything, he just began to lean in slowly, placing his hands on Dan's legs, leaning in even more, but still allowing Dan to pull back if he wanted.

"Yeah, I'm okay with it." Phil breathed onto Dan's lips, sending a shiver down Dan's back, awakening something in Dan, which resulted with Dan moving forward and to place a swift, sweet, spark filled kiss to Phil's wonderful, soft lips, lifting his hands to cup Phil's face. Phil immediately reacted kissing back, moving his hands to rest on Dan's side. Dan pulled away, panting slightly, but not because the kiss lasted long, but because it was intense. The boys' locked eyes, and saw lust in the dilated pupils of the other. "Chris?" Dan called out not removing his eyes from their gaze. They heard the TV be turned up in the living room. "You have twenty five minutes left in total now!" Chris shouted, obviously thinking Dan just wanted out, little did he know that he was making sure that they wouldn't be interrupted. Confusion dripped into Phil's eyes, silently asking what Dan wanted from Chris. Dan leaned in, hovering over Phil's body, barely not touching Phil's lips with his own, deciding to see if Phil would shiver just like Dan had. "Just wanted to make sure we wouldn't get interrupted," Dan breathed onto Phil's lips, he instantly felt their lips connect, and he was slammed against the wall behind him as Phil pressed his lips hard against his. Out of shock, Dan's lips parted slightly, and Phil took the opportunity to slip his tongue inside to deepen the kiss. The two were now making out, with Dan's hands in Phil's hair and Phil's arms wrapped tightly around Dan's lower back, barely able to keep themselves under control. Dan moaned softly as Phil started kissing down his neck, a highly sensitive part of himself. Phil smiled into Dan's collar bone as he placed his lips onto it, biting down lightly, sucking at the tender skin, hoping to leave a mark, a way to claim Dan as his own. Dan was trying his hardest to keep his wits as Phil nibbled away at his neck. Phil was amazing at this, and all Dan could think is why did I want to pretend to hate him again? Phil worked his way up to Dan's jaw, placing sweet little kisses on it as Dan wrapped his arms around Phil's neck as an attempt to pull Phil closer. Phil smirked against Dan's neck, detaching his lips from it, hovering over it, sending shaky breaths onto it. Dan could hardly keep his hands still and stay relatively silent, as it was no surprise as he gasped loudly when he felt Phil's humid breath on his very very sensitive part of his neck, squirming slightly in Phil's grasp.

"You're neck sensitive is it?" Phil breathed into Dan's ear, enjoying being dominant with him. "Judging by your noises you seem to be enjoying my lips on it." Phil lowered his lips and nibbled behind Dan's ear, feeling warmth spreading through his body as Dan gasped then moaned a little bit. If Dan was this loud making out, then he must be extremely loud during other things.

"Ye-yeah it-"Dan took a sharp intake of breath as Phil bit his earring in his ear, "God Phil!" Dan mouthed into the skin of Phil's neck trying to keep relatively quiet. Dan knew that something embarrassing would happen if Phil didn't stop sucking on his god damn neck. He pulled Phil's face to his own, attaching their mouths together quickly, Dan then lowered his hands to where they met Phil's cold bare strip of skin by his pants. Phil leaned in closer as Dan circled his back with is hot thumbs. Their chests were pressed so close they could feel the others heartbeat. Breathing heavily, Dan pulled back and moved his lips to Phil's ear hovering over it, placing raspy breaths into his ear. "I need to find some places to put my lips to make you moan for me, Phil." Dan stated, suddenly feeling confident. Phil's hands wrapped tighter around Dan and Dan couldn't help but dig his nails into Phil's back, earning a moan of pleasure out of Phil. Dan smirked as he made his way down to Phil's collarbone, giving Phil an identical hickey as to the one he was sure he had. He pulled back and whispered against it, "Someone likes when my nails sink into their hot pale back don't they?" Phil was too wrapped up in the feel of Dan's lips in his neck again to respond. Dan's lips returned to Phil's where they made out for a bit, every once and awhile one of them would bite the other's lower lip earning a slight moan from the other. They both silently agreed that this was far as they wanted to take it tonight, or at least at Chris' house, locked in a dimly lit locked closest. They slowed down now, relishing in the way the others' lips moved against their own, finally pulling back from each other's lips, they opened their eyes and stared lovingly at the one in front of them, who was panting slightly. They looked at each other silently for a bit, until Phil spoke up.

"This wasn't just a heat of the moment thing for me, Dan." He said quietly, hoping not to make Dan upset with him, because he thought that maybe it was just his hormones acting rather than his head. "I like you Dan." He said removing his gaze from Dan's, slightly stroking, Dan's sides near his waist band. Dan giggled and leaned in planting a soft swift kiss onto Phil's plump lips.

"I really like you too Phil. I'm glad it wasn't just a in the moment what the hell for you, it meant a lot to me, it still does." Dan stayed, and as soon as Phil took in what he had said, Dan was wrapped into a bear hug, with Phil's head nuzzled into his shoulder. They hugged for a bit, until they pulled apart to sort themselves out, checking to make sure it wasn't too obvious that they almost had closest sex if Dan hadn't removed Phil from his neck. Thankfully the skin that was bruised on each boys' neck was cover by their shirt. Once they were sorted out, Dan spoke up.

"I didn't hurt you did I?" He asked worriedly as he remembered digging his nails are into Phil's bare back numerous times. Phil smiled lightly and giggled at Dan, crawling over to sit down next to Dan.

"No, you didn't hurt me, did I hurt you?" Phil asked as he leaned his head onto Dan's warm shoulder.

"No, you didn't," Dan hesitated prior to speaking again. "So, what are we?" He finally asked Phil. Phil lifted his head from Dan's shoulder, about to reply when the door was opened to reveal Chris in his PJ bottoms and a tumblr shirt. He glanced between the two and grinned.

"So, you guys talked with it out, you' at least not hate each other?" Chris asked, not realizing what he had actually done. The two boys in the closet stifled a laugh, and just nodded their heads. "Good, now time to watch some movies." Chris said retreating to the living room.

Phil placed a quick kiss on Dan's lips once both of them had stood. "We're something amazing." Phil said retreating down the hall, giving Dan a little wink. Dan shock his head smiling fondly at Phil. As it turned out, he's glad to have been made to play seven minutes in heaven with Phil.


	7. I Never Told Him

I Never Told Him

Word Count: 928 (Short Drabble kinda)

Description: " _Say it before you run out of time. Say it before it's too late. Say what you're feeling. Waiting is a mistake_ _._

 _But I didn't i ran out of time"_ Things Dan never told Phil.

A/N: Based on this post, I thought it was pretty and it gave me a short drabble idea.

Say it before you run out of time. Say it before it's too late. Say what you're feeling. Waiting is a mistake.

But I didn't i ran out of time

i never told him that i love the way he laughs,

i never told him that i love his smile,

i never told him that i love his piercing blue eyes,

i never told him that i love the way he calms me down,

i never told him that i love the way he sings,

i never told him that i love the way he laughs when he covers it with his hand,

i never told him i love the way we joke,

i never told him i love the small smile that plays across his lips when he's embarrassed, i never told him i love his perfect hair,

i never told him i love his personality,

i never told him i love the way he makes me feel better,

i never told him i love the way he talks,

i never told him i love when he acts childish,

i never told him i love the weird tricks he can do,

i never told him i love how he just makes everyone feel welcome,

i never told him i love the feel of his arms around me. i never told him that i love when he makes faces at me and tries to tell me things without anyone noticing but us two,

i never told him i love the way he looks when he cares about something,

i never told him i love the way his eyes smile when he truly is happy,

i never told him i lovethat he listens,

i never told him that i love his music taste,

i never told him i love the way that he takes his time just because he wants to make it perfect, i never told him i love the feel of his hand on mine,

i never told him i love the feeling i get when he makes me laugh,

i never told him i love how he gets all embarrassed over silly things, then hides his face in his hands or turns away from me,

i never told him i love that he tries to hide his laughter or smile, and tries to keep his composure but fails so we both end up dying of laughter,

i never told him that i love the way he jokes about himself without taking it to heart,

i never told him i lovethe difference in our heights,

i never told him i love the silly names he gives me,

i never told him that i love the ways he describes me,

i never told him that i love the way he makes me angry and then makes me laugh directly afterwards,

i never told him that i love the silly banter we have,

i never told him i love the way he looks at me, even if it doesn't mean anything to him, i never told him i love the way he tries so hard, 

i never told him i love the funny faces he makes,

i never told him i love that he makes me happy,

i never told him i love his smile, the one with or without teeth,

i never told him i love the face he makes in pictures,

i never told him i love the things that make us different,

i never told him i love how safe i feel with him,

i never told him i love the way he says my name,

i never told him i love the way he comes out of his shell,

i never told him i love his whole appearance,

i never told him i love his style of clothing, because no matter what he makes it look nice, i never told him i lovethe way we chat like we've known each other forever,

i never told him i love the sound of his voice in my ears,

i never told him i love that he keeps secrets,

i never told him i love that he gets excited when talking about his interests,

i never told him i love the way he listens about what I like even if he doesn't like it at all, i never told him i love that we are so comfortable around one another,

i never told him i love the way he sits,

i never told him i love how he sends me cat videos just to make me laugh,

i never told him i love our silly conversations,

i never told him i love that he is silly,

i never told him i love his funny side,

i never told him i love the way he is accepting,

i never told him i love the way he wants to make everyone feel better,

i never told him i love his mind,

i never told him i love his secure arms,

i never told him i love his skin tone for what it is,

i never told him i love his ears,

i never told him i love the way he makes my heart race,

i never told him i love the feeling i get when i talk to him,

i never told him i love the feeling i get when i see him,

i never told him i love the feeling i get when i think about him,

i never told him i love him,

 **i never told him i love him,**

and now,

it's too late.


	8. Dan Needs To Sober Up

Dan Needs To Sober Up

Words: 1,227 (wow much angst, very shit)

Type: Angst, fluff? Maybe very little if any.

Warnings: Swear words, fighting, and alcohol.

Description: The one where Dan needed to sober up and Phil needed sleep. Or the one Dan was out late, and came home drunk to a very mad Phil.

 _A/N: Please request a fic if ya want, I'm shit at writing but hey, I'll try._

 _Where the hell is he?_

Phil thought bitterly as he waited up for Dan in their apartment. It was four am, what the hell could Dan be out doing at this hour. Phil knew he should just go back to bed, Dan and him aren't on the best terms at the moment and he knew this would just piss Dan off even more. He could practically hear Dan's bitter mocking tone. _In case you forgot Phil, we are separate fucking people, besides you don't have to look after me, I'm not your boyfriend and I am certainly not your issue._

Phil shook the thoughts from his head, trying to not think about the argument that changed them that happened months ago.

 _4:37 am_

Phil was starting to get worried, but it was hidden by his anger. Who the hell would leave for hours without a single text or note, or any mention of when they would return? Sometimes Phil wishes that he'd stop caring and start to let Dan figure out his own damn life by himself, but Phil just couldn't, not when he knew what Dan went through prior to him. Phil paced the hall that lead to the door of their flat, hoping that Dan wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere, _if he isn't now, he will be soon if he doesn't get his ass home._ Phil thought angrily.

 _4:54 am_

Alright Phil was just full on pissed now, no worry no nerves, just anger. Dan _knew_ how Phil worried and he bet Dan did this just to push his buttons, make him yell and curse, just so Dan could do the same back, and let out the pent up anger that had been between them for months.

Just as the clock struck five, he heard movement from outside the locked door leading to the outside world. _Oh, perfect timing Dan, just perfect!_ Phil's mind mocked. The door was fiddled with for a moment before it was flung open, smacking the wall with a very loud thud, _Christ Dan break the wall why don't you._ Phil walked over to the hall so he could peer at the open door, where a very apparent, very drunk Dan was trying to close it and lock it.

"Where the hell were you, Dan!?" Phil yelled quietly not wanting to wake up the whole apartment building.

"Like you give a shit." Dan slurred as he wobbled his way towards Phil.

"Dan, you can't just-"

"I can do whatever the fuck I want!" Dan interrupted, changing the tone of the conversation from discussion to argument very quickly.

"No you very well can't Dan! It's five in the morning Dan!" Phil yelled back, his faced masked with anger. Phil's hands balled in fists at his side as he watched Dan, roll his eyes and scuff at him.

"So what it's not like I murdered anyone!" Dan replied, casting a hard glare into Phil anger filled eyes.

"I didn't know where you were!" Phil yelled, his voice growing darker, harsher.

"I'm old enough to not have someone needing to know where I am twenty four seven Phil!" He slurred but managed to get out, shuffling that much closer to Phil, pointing a finger angrily into his face, "In case you forgot Phil, we are separate fucking people, besides you don't have to look after me, I'm not your boyfriend anymore so I'm certainly not your fucking issue." Dan spat out, his breath reeking of alcohol, stinging Phil's eyes.

"How the hell could I forget when you bring it up EVERY GOD DAMN DAY DAN!" Phil yelled shoving Dan back, taking a few strides backwards, watching Dan try and regain his balance once he hit the wall behind him.

"MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU NEED TO BE REMINDED PHIL! _FRIENDS_ DON'T WAIT UP TILL FIVE IN THE FUCKING MORNING TO MAKE SURE THE OTHER GETS HOME OKAY!" Dan barely composed, the alcohol clearly finally taking full control. Phil knew it was useless to continue, besides they'd have it out another time when Dan was more sober anyway, they always did. Phil let out a deep breath and crossed his arms on his chest, reaching up and rubbing his tired eyes, drooping in the lack of sleep.

"Let's just go to bed, we both need to cool off and you need to sober up." He said turning around approaching the door to his room, leaving Dan in the hall, he reaches for the handle but stops when he hears Dan's voice.

"You always do that." Dan's drunk voice soft in his ears, "You make me think I'm crazy make it seem like everything is my fault, but you know what Phil?" Dan pauses as he's eyes meet Phil's, "It's not, it both of ours, but to me, it's more so yours. Because you-" he points hazily at Phil, "made the decision, you made the call and you made me go along with it, just like that. You don't even know that you have that power do you? Actually you probably do, don't you?" Dan's finger drops, he takes a couple of steps closer, so he's at his own bedroom door now, "Wanna know why I come home at five in the morning drunk off my ass? I bet you already know." He pauses and seems to fill with a softer form of anger. "I love you alright, maybe that's not okay, maybe that's not what you want, maybe that's not what is for the best, but god damn it I love you and I can't help it," He breaths in deep as his tears start to fall. He shakes his head and sobs slightly, before continuing barely audibly. "I know that love is supposed to feel amazing and wonderful but god it feels worse than being **empty** , because emptiness can be forgotten at the bottom of a bottle and music, but love can't. The bottom of the bottle just intensifies it and the music just amplifies that. I'm sorry that that's how I feel okay? I'm so fucking sorry that nothing you can say will make me any less sorry." Dan whisper yells in a drunken haze, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. "I'm so fucking sorry Phil" he whispers, letting himself collapse onto the floor of the hall, he cries for a moment, snuffling when needed, all the while Phil stands there, taken back by the words that he never intended on receiving, his stomach flipped and dove and soared and fell, his heart sped up and slowed down all at once, his emotions mixed and varied, his whole being just as confused as Dan appeared to be. He didn't want to have this conversation while Dan was wasted, he knew that won't end well.

He stood for a moment longer, sighing as he made his decision, this silent war had gone on too long, it was time to talk it out, be happy again. But no right now. Right now Dan needed to sober up, and Phil need sleep. So the decision that should have been made ages ago, was made then, the break would come to a close and they'd be happy again, but that was for the morning, when Dan could think and Phil could keep his eyes open. So all Phil said was,

"Let's get you to bed."


	9. I Should Have

I Should Have

Word Count: 1801

Type: Angst, Fluff

Description: "I know now that they'll meet eyes, and Phil will smile his cute toothy grin that I had come to love, and then she'll swoon and blush and hid her face, looking anywhere but at Phil." Or the one where Dan loses Phil…almost.

A/N: I hope you enjoy, send me a prompt if you want.

Maybe if I had done the dishes a few extra times, maybe if I had done the laundry that one time he asked, maybe if I had texted him back a second quicker, maybe if I told him how I felt, maybe if I had kissed him, maybe he'd still be here. But those were all maybes. Maybes that I can't go back and do.

I should have known that it could only last so long. That eventually one of us would want someone to hold at night, someone to kiss anytime they pleased. I should have known my time was running out. I mean it had been seven years, how did I not know.

I know now though. I know now that they'll meet eyes, and Phil will smile his cute toothy grin that I had come to love, and then she'll swoon and blush and hid her face, looking anywhere but at Phil. Then later at that same party, a little drunk, she'd come over to us, ignoring me entirely, and start talking to Phil, who saw no harm in what she was doing. I know now that I should have stayed, I should have stayed right beside him, joined in the conversation like I had done zillions of times before. But she was so pretty, much prettier than myself. So pretty that my jealously that was bubbling inside my stomach, told me that that was what Phil deserved, someone close to his beauty, because no one could match it.

I should have said something that night when we returned home, the cab in awkward silence. My throat close to tears, eyes wanting to release them and let them flow, when he said that she was lovely and that he got her number as "friends". I should have done something when we got to the flat and I made a beeline towards my room, wanting to hide from the world, when he stopped me and was trying to look into my eyes, asking what was wrong. I had turned my head away, and made a nasty claim, starting the silent war that would break us.

I should have told him what was wrong I should have told him right then and there. But I didn't.

I should have done something after he came back from their first date, not yet together, perfect time to change the fate of our relationship. But I didn't. He'd come home, looking for me, telling me that he'd had fun, but looking reluctant to share. I put my earbuds in after a "Glad you had fun." Because I was, I was glad he was happy, finding someone he'd be able to love in anyway, but so fucking sad that it wasn't me. I should have told him that I wanted to be that person. But I didn't, I had starred at my computer, letting him sigh and get up off the end of my bed, shutting the door and leaving.

I should have said something when they were going out now regularly. I should have been out there and said something, but I wasn't. I was hid in my room, locked away, hating myself for what I had become and for what I was doing.

I should have said something when he introduced her as his girlfriend, when she had come around our flat to hang out with us. I should have stayed and tried to play nice. But I didn't, I said my hellos and then my goodbyes, leaving the apartment, going to a bar to drink away the problem.

That's when I should have said something. But I hadn't. Now it was too late and I knew that. But it has been a year, a fucking year since I should have first told him, a year since I should have stayed by his side at that stupid fucking party, making her back off, even if she must be lovely if Phil liked her. A year since I knew my life, my world, was changing for the worse.

"Dan, I don't understand why you're making a big deal out of this, we can still hang out." He said, and I can't even look him in the eyes, I felt betrayed. I felt empty.

"Yeah I'm sure we will." I say in a sarcastic tone, folding my arms across my chest, leaning back into my sofa crease, letting him roll his eyes and letting his anger build.

"Stop doing that! Stop acting like I'm leaving you!" He said bitterly, standing up in anger. I stood now to, unbelieving of the nerve he had to say that to me.

"YOU ARE!" I scream into his face that was barely a few inches from my own. In any other situation, I would have gone brain dead that close to his lips, so close to feel his breathing on my face. But not today, because today he was telling me goodbye. Telling me I wasn't worth his time anymore.

"LIKE HELL I AM! DAN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO HUH?" He said pushing me away from him, walking to the dinner table, before walking over to me, starring me in the face. "I CAN'T STAY HERE WHEN ALL YOU'VE DONE FOR THE PAST YEAR IS IGNORE ME AND ACT LIKE I'M SOME SORT OF BAD GUY!" He screamed pointing a finger at me accusingly. He did blame me, of course he did, **I** did.

"WELL I'M SO FUCKING SORRY! ALRIGHT I'M SO FUCKING SORRY THAT I CAN'T LOOK AT YOU AND HER AND BE AS HAPPY AS YOU GUYS FUCKING ARE, ALRIGHT! I'M SORRY I CAN'T JUST PLAY THE ROLL OF BEST FRIEND AND PAT YOU ON THE BACK AND SAY I'M FUCKING HAPPY FOR YOU FINDING SOMEONE! I'M SO FUCKING SORRY! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR?" I scream into his face, making him stumble backwards as I walk him into the chair by our wall of windows, yelling at him, finally letting it all out, why? Because it doesn't matter anymore, he's going to leave anyway.

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE HAPPY FOR ME?" He screamed, turning the tables walking me to the sofa, where my legs were pressed hard against the fabric. "SOMEONE ACTAULLY LIKES ME, SOMEONE WHO I LIKE AS WELL! WHY AREN'T YOU HAPPY I FOUND SOMEONE WHO WANTS ME?" He yelled harshly, breathing out heavily.

"BECAUSE SHE'S NOT ME! I'M NOT HAPPY BECAUSE SHE GETS TO HANG OFF YOUR LIPS AND I DON'T! SHE GETS TO KISS YOU AND CUDDLE AND BE WITH YOU! I'M PISSED BECAUSE IT'S NOT ME!" I yell, not thinking. Regretting it immediately, Phil's face goes into a blank expression, letting his anger go. I huff out a breath of air and look at his eyes, seeing Phil trying desperately to understand. I go to push away after a moment of silence. I told him finally. Phil grabbed my shoulder, holding me in place. I turn my head back to him, meeting his eyes, pleading with them asking "what?" His face looked soft now, his jaw unclenched, his eyes glowing and soft. His lips in a soft smile. I half except an "I'm sorry I didn't know Dan." And then he'd let me go, and he'd leave, never to speak to me again. He moved his hand that was resting on my shoulder to my cheek, stroking it with his thumb, and I closed my eyes, imaging for a minute that we were fine. Leaning into his touch, opening my eyes realizing what I was doing, moving my arm to press against his chest going to push him off. But I stopped as it hit his chest lightly, as he pulled my face down to meet his. Lips colliding softly, passionately, lovingly. He moves his other arm to wrap around my waist still pulling me closer. I let go of my cares, getting lost in the feel of his lips. I move my arms to around his neck pulling him a little too hard, making us both tumble backwards onto the sofa, but our lips never left each other. My hands finding their way to his hair. Kissing back with all my emotions, letting every shit I cared free. Phil sighed contently on my lips as he pulled back for a second before placing a much lighter more innocent kiss onto my lips. He rested his forehead against mine as he pulled off my lips. He nuzzled our noses together, making me open my eyes to find his soft ocean filled ones flooding into mine.

"I'm sorry." My heart dropped thinking of what was to come. The heartbreak that was sure to follow. He looked at me lovingly but my mind screamed that it was a lie. "I never meant to hurt you." He said kissing my forehead, pulling me into his chest, instinctively I wrapped my arms around his waist, cuddling into him. "I've liked you for ages." He mumbled into my hair, rubbing my back in a calming manner.

"What about your girlfriend?" I ask hitting myself for ruining the moment, feeling suddenly guilty for kissing Phil when he had a girlfriend.

"I'm going to break it off." He added and the guilt doubled, feeling horrible for ruining their relationship even if this is what I've wanted for seven years.

"Don't do that, you're happy with her." I say pulling away to look him in the eyes trying to make it seem like I was actually okay with that.

"She's not you, Dan." He mumbled pulling me into his embrace yet again. "I like her, but I'm in love with you." He said kissing my temple, moving down my head, giving little kisses along his path to my lips. He whispered against them before planting his on mine, "I should have said something, she was someone I could be happy with if need be, but you, you Dan, you were who I wanted, she was just there when I gave up hope on you." he kissed me again, kissing me softly and full of love. "I didn't say something when I should have, but now I have." He kissed me with a little more pressure, but just as much love. "I'm undeniably in love with you, always have been, always will be." He said, placing his plump lips on my own, I kiss back breathing into his words, letting them fill my lungs, and flow through my body, filling me with love and hope.

"I'm in love with you Phil." I say into the kiss, allowing him to know his feelings were reciprocated. "I have been for seven years." I say deepening the kiss. Maybe I should have told him sooner, but I told him, and now I have him.


	10. You Just Look Like Dan

You Just Look Like Dan

Words: 2,419

Type: Fluff, AU, Vampire!Phan

Summary: Two vampire friends, Dan and Phil, are lying under the stars, intoxicated and Dan wants to know what he looks like.

A/N: This was based on a prompt I saw and I thought that it would be a good spooky oneshot. I hope you enjoy!

"Phiiiiiiiiiillll!" Dan drew out the other's name like a child whining for their mum. Dan squeezed his eyes shut tight, trying to make his head stop spinning. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to drink as much as he had. The alcohol stench hung in the air over the pale pair as they lay on the grass staring at the moon. The only noise came from their breathing in the darkness of the night, it was as if the whole world was as dead as they were. Dan slowly opened his eyes and turned his head to the side to see if Phil had heard him. Dan's gaze fell upon his friend, making his breath catch in his throat. His friend was the definition of handsome. His dark black hair contrasted with his pale cold skin so well. Not to mention the deep pools of blue that his eyes held, making Dan feel a sense of drowning when he starred for too long. His jawline was sharp, leading to a smooth, rigid neck that Dan would have had to sink his fangs into if Phil had any blood coursing through him. Phil turned his head to face Dan, smirking as he caught the eyes of his friend.

"Yes, Danmpire? " Phil slurred, clearly just as drunk. He chuckled lightly at his not so funny nickname, raising up on his forearms, sitting up a little to talk. Dan watched as Phil's arm took over his mind, captivating his coherent thoughts. Dan was shaken from his thoughts when they became a little more than just observations. He cleared his throat trying to get the picture of Phil biting his neck out of his head.

"Don't you ever wonder what you look like?" Dan slurred as he removed his gaze from Phil, staring into the abyss of the night. "Like I know what you look like and you know what I look like, but you have no idea what you look like. Like, what do I look like?" Dan shifted slightly under Phil's intense gaze. Phil was examining his younger friend, scanning every detail. The way his mouth moved, the way the vein in his neck protruded out as he sucked in air, how his hips flowed over in grace. The way the dark apparel clung to his best friend's body. Phil wouldn't ever admit the strange feeling he got when he analyzed his friend. Phil scanned Dan's face next. The way his eyes seemed to look like melted chocolate with drips of honey dropped in there. His eyes always seemed warm no matter the fact that brown eyes were said to be boring, Phil had never understood that. He didn't understand what could possibly be boring about brown eyes. Then again, he'd never seen eyes quite like Dan's, with the perfect mix of browns, as if they were always changing, melting. Dan was younger than him and his face showed it. He had round smooth cheeks that always glowed crimson with blush, however impossible. His lips were a thin line, with only a slight cupid's bow, always chapped as well, but to Phil they looked perfect. His teeth were beautiful, straight and white, and his fangs are a perfect point. Phil's mind got sidetracked as he thought of how those fangs would feel on his tongue, only to quickly remember the nature of the conversation they were having, innocent. He thought for a moment, wondering why he'd never truly thought about that. I mean sure, maybe the first hundred years or so was hard living without a mirror, but he'd gotten used to it. He quickly forgot his appearance was a thing if he was honest.

"I mean I guess I haven't really thought of it." Phil mumbled, sitting up and laying his long legs across the now sitting Dan.

"Wouldn't you like to know, Phil?" Dan asked shaking his head, resulting in his world spinning. Dan regretted shaking his head, taking a moment to recollect his shaken thoughts prior to continuing. "I mean you've not seen yourself in ages, what if it like a thousand and some years?" Dan asked, facing his friend, who was sat barely a foot in front of him.

"A thousand and seventy eight." Phil stated, remembering the day his whole world turned. Dan was fairly new to the vampire world. Only five hundred and sixty two years old. A baby in comparison to Phil, but in "human age" they were actually quite close, not that it would matter because why would it right, not like Dan liked Phil or anything, what no. You must be mad in order to think in anyway shape or form that- alright so maybe he might like Phil a little bit, but nothing too serious, just a little small crush. I mean it had only been what five hundred and sixty five years and counting. Alright yeah Dan was screwed.

"I miss myself sometimes." Dan said quietly. The other laughed at Dan's small voice, thinking how silly and cute Dan was. Dan smiled at the other, looking down at his hands, twisting them. Dan loved that laugh, he'd never grown tired of it.

"Do you wanna know what you look like then?" Phil asked, recovering from his laughter. Dan was always a little different drunk and Phil knew Dan would most likely have never brought this topic up while sober, but there they are, drunk under the stars. Phil was slightly nervous for the answer, if Dan said yes, what would Phil say, what if Dan got weirded out but his explanations?

"Yes, but only if I get to describe you as well, so we are both equally awkward." Dan sighed out, laying down once again, his head finally subsides in the spinning aspect, his alcohol wearing off slightly. Phil laid down next to Dan, turning on his side to face him as Dan stared of into the dark sky littered with glowing stars.

"Alright, we'll take in turns yeah?" Dan nodded but refused to meet Phil's gaze. "Let's start with hair. Your hair is like this browny shade that darkens during the winter. The colors like bark on a tree, but slightly darker I guess." Phil smiled at the thought of what he wanted to say next, debating whether or not to actually say it, but of course, he did." When you wake up in the morning it's adorable because it curls, well you know that but, sometimes you don't straighten all of it, even though you think you do. It is really cute though because like four strands will be curly while the rest is straight," Phil smiled as he looked over Dan's hair, right now the ends were curling slightly as the humid air was starting to get to it. "You have a sweeping fringe that is slightly lighter than the rest of your hair. It looks soft." Phil said as he ran his eyes over the boy's face, analyzing what the boy was thinking of his description. Dan's face was light in red, his lips pulled into a shy smile.

"Um, you have black hair, but it doesn't always just look black. In some lighting it has a blue-y tone to it. It never gets curly like mine. And your fringe gets little breaks in it sometimes and it looks really cute when you try to fix it." Dan smiled still not looking Phil in the eyes. "In the morning you have a quiff and you look really-" Dan stopped, realizing what he was saying, and quickly realizing that maybe he shouldn't say that he thought it looked sexy, because, friends don't say stuff like that. Dan just left it there, unable to think of a word to say that would be okay.

"I look really what?" Phil asked curiously.

"You just look really different. But not in a bad way it just doesn't look like the Phil I usually see." Dan opted for the non-creepy response. Phil giggled silently to himself. Dan was blushing like mad, and he wanted to change the topic. "Let's do eyes now." Dan stated, loudly and decisively.

"Alright, you go first this time." Phil really did want to know this to be honest. Eyes were the windows to the soul and he had no clue as to what his looked like, other than the slight memory of blue.

"They are like a light blue that sometimes goes grey." Dan went basic, not telling of the greens and gold littered throughout Phil's gorgeous eyes.

"That's it? Dan elaborate. I haven't seen them in decades, at least try some more detail." Phil persisted on. Dan wasn't going to give up on this. He knew that if he said what he wanted to it would be far too obvious of his crush.

"Really Phil that's all I can think of." He says lowly, lying in a small voice.

"Maybe if you looked at me you'd be able to describe them better." Phil said hoping Dan would take the hint and turn on his side to face him, but of course, Dan stayed staring into the night. "Alright fine." Phil placed his hand on Dan's waist, making Dan's breath hitch at the feeling. Phil quickly made Dan's body face him, meeting Dan's eyes finally. Phil towered over Dan, looking down into his eyes, unable to read Dan's expression. His eyes gave no hint of his thoughts either. "What they look like?" Phil asked quietly. Dan was drowning in Phil's eyes, but got saved when Phil spoke.

"They look like the ocean." Dan breathed out, his voice quiet and his breath hitting Phil's face lightly. "They look deep and endless. They are soft when you look like this, but sometimes, when you are angry or hungry, they go dark, like the sky just before a storm. Sometimes, they will be greener than blue, but you always have small specks of golden yellow in them. They're pretty." Dan doesn't care if those words sound weird because Phil's lips are hovering over him, their foreheads only a few inches apart.

"Yours are brown, but they look caramel sometimes. They look like melted chocolate with drips of honey dropped. They always seem warm. They are brown but not boring, they have the perfect mix of browns, as if they were always changing, melting. They look soft all the time. Even when you are angry. They match your hair, but not exactly so. They are deep and light and beautiful." Phil whispered to Dan, feeling a blush rise in his own cheeks.

Phil glanced down at Dan's lips, feeling the need to connect his own to them. He quickly looked up to see Dan's gaze look at his own lips, causing Phil to lean in. Dan's eyes fluttered closed as did Phil's. Their lips brushed each other's, igniting fireworks in both the boys' tummies. Phil was drawn in by the feeling of Dan's lips against his own. His drunken mind, quickly cleared as his lips moved slowly across the others. He leaned in more, drawing Dan's body closer, placing his hand on the small of Dan's back and the other on his smooth cheek. Dan's hands were at Phil's waist, wrapped around him. The kiss was slow, tender, perfect. Phil was rubbing circles on Dan's cheek with his thumb. They both were hungry for the other, and that eventually showed. Phil almost without thinking drew his tongue across Dan's bottom lip, causing the younger to gasp and allow Phil to enter. The younger let out a soft small moan, and in any other case, he'd have been embarrassed, but not now. Phil drew his tongue across Dan's fang, relishing in the feeling.

The kiss sped up in pace, and Phil was now moving down Dan's jaw and down Dan's highly sensitive neck. Dan's hands had found their way into Phil's hair, tugging and wrapping strands around his finger lightly as Phil kissed his neck, marking it ever so often. Phil would feel Dan's slight vein under his lips, wanting to sink his teeth into him and suck, even though he knew barely anything would come out. He pulled back breathing heavily on Dan's neck, wanting to desperately taste a very small amount of Dan's blood as if he took all of it, Dan wouldn't be able to blush anymore. Dan understood what Phil wanted to do, and he wanted to feel Phil's fangs in his neck.

"Please." Dan mewed out. He had thought of this one too many times and he needed to know. He needed to know what Phil would feel like as he drank his blood, the feeling he would get as his teeth sank deeper into him.

"Are you sure?" Phil asked going back to kissing Dan's neck, waiting for the answer, hoping to be able to sink his fangs in, not only just his teeth. Dan nodded franticly, and soon the anticipation was going to kill him. "Alright." Phil said lowly. He started sucking on Dan's neck normally, biting down with his regular teeth, sucking a hickey, earning a moan from Dan that vibrated under his mouth. He smirk, as he pulled back, allowing his fangs to come out. He looked over Dan's form underneath him. He looked perfect, waiting to be bitten. Phil slowly, as not to hurt Dan, sunk his teeth into him. Dan felt Phil sink his fangs into him. His mind hadn't done this moment justice, he soon felt his blood leave him, being sucked into Phil. The moment was over all too soon. Phil licked the extra blood off his lips, and kissed the teeth marks once and then Dan's lips. He opened his eyes and met Dan's gaze. They both giggled slightly. Dan pecked Phil's lips once again. Phil laid on the ground next to Dan, pulling Dan up to his side, where he wrapped his arms around Dan's waist as Dan wrapped his arm over Phil's tummy. They lay in silence and soon both their eyes are drooping closed.

"Bear?" Phil asked sleepily.

"Hmmm?" Dan replied, burying his face in Phil's neck.

"To answer your question, you just look like Dan. You look perfect." Phil replied, earning a tight squeeze from Dan. Dan understood. He understood that he didn't need to know exactly what he looked like. All he need to know really was what Phil saw, because he didn't mind not knowing. Besides, that's what got him Phil. And in Dan's eyes, that was a fair trade.


	11. Don't Forget

Don't Forget

Word Count: 1,950

Type: Angst, fluff

Description: This is a song fic based on "Don't Forget" by Demi Lovato, old school. It's in Dan's POV btw.

When we said goodbye that final time, I really didn't think that was it. I thought that at the very least we'd be friends again. Maybe not as close, but still friends nonetheless. But it's six months later, and not a single word has been spoken or written or anything between us. I feel at fault, but maybe I shouldn't. He had told me he'd call, and I believed him. I still believe him. Just liked I believed when he told me he loved me when I was laid in his arms in our bed, legs tangled together. Or when he said it over the phone while we were apart, hearing the crack in his voice. Or when he said it after our tickle fights on the couch. Sometimes I think remembering is the worst pain, it's worse than the pain I felt when you said goodbye. Because remembering I don't look at the bad times, I look at the good, which stings when I can't have them again. "Maybe he forgot about you." My mind seemed to scream, but I ignored the thought as I hastily made my way down the street.

 _Did you forget  
That I was even alive?  
Did you forget  
Everything we ever had?  
Did you forget?  
Did you forget  
About me?_

My thoughts raced as I wondered down the street. It was bitterly cold outside as it was December. There was a light snow falling from the sky. It reminded me of the time me and Phil made snow angles. We were freezing, and the snow was coming down fast. I remember how pretty it looked against the darkness of your hair, the contrast was so beautiful. I remember him telling me how he wanted to stay like this forever, hands clung tightly together, breathing loud in our ears. I remember him turning to look at me, pushing my fringe from my eyes and telling me he loved me. Then when we had to go inside we walked back huddled next to each other to be warm and just because we could. I snap out of my thoughts as I remember that I won't be getting that again. Shivering as a gust of air blew into my face. _  
_

_Did you regret?  
Ever standing by my side  
Did you forget?  
What we were feeling inside?  
Now I'm left to forget  
About us_

I come to a stop, looking both ways down the street before crossing it in a hurry. I had to get him off my mind and the best way to do that is alcohol. But since it was one in the afternoon and I had just woken up less than two hours ago, I didn't want to slide down a slippery slope into becoming alcoholic. So I decided that maybe buying some Christmas gifts would take my mind off of him. Granted I hated the busy shops at this time of year. They were always too crowded but the decorations make me feel festive and happy, hopefully. My mind raced back to when we'd go out Christmas shopping together, and we'd put on festive jumpers and wander to the tube, aimlessly heading toward the main street shops. But that fell apart. I still had no idea why we fell apart and all I can think is I did something wrong. I shook the thought of him from my head once again, willing myself to keep moving forward towards the shops rather than run back to my flat to cry like a baby. Already, I could feel my throat start to tighten, and my eyes start to water at the thought of _us._

 _But somewhere we went wrong  
We were once so strong  
Our love is like a song  
You can't forget it_

I made my way into a few shops, picking up bits and bobs as I went. Forgetting for a while about all the time he and I shared in stores similar to these, if not these. As I exited another shop, I walked for a while, carrying several bags in my hand, feeling my fingers tingle with the bitter cold. I remember when my fingers had first been intertwined with his and how it had felt like this, all tingly. Only it was warm and soft, but strong against my own. I shake at the thought, getting some weird glances. I ducked my head down. Deciding to get a warm liquid into my system before it started to think of all the ways Phil could warm me up.

 _So now I guess  
This is where we have to stand  
Did you regret  
Ever holding my hand?  
Never again  
Please don't forget  
Don't forget  
_

I made a turn off the main road, thankfully all intact. I made my way towards a Starbucks to get a hot chocolate to warm me up. The bell dinged as I entered through the door, semi surprised that it was nearly empty. But after all, it was a Tuesday afternoon, everyone was still at work, as most humans have to be on a time schedule unlike me. I couldn't help but grimace as I noticed someone in the far corner of the shop completely engulfed in a book, The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire book, mind you. It wasn't the fact that they were a fan or even that they were reading our book, it was the fact that it reminded me that we had everything. We had a home, a book, well-paying jobs, two families that had come together to become one, wonderful friends, laughter, life, love. We had each other, and even after seven years, I still had felt like I was falling even more in love with him every passing day. But then something happened, and each passing day turned out to be filled with remorse and pain rather than more love. I removed my gaze from the far corner and went up to the counter to order my festive drink, needing something to take him off my mind, but knowing nothing will make me forget him, even for a second.

 _We had it all  
We were just about to fall  
Even more in love  
Than we were before  
I won't forget  
I won't forget  
About us  
_

I sat in a warm arm chair alongside a wall of steamed up windows, reminding me of the time him and I came here during the "A Festive Day in Our Life" video and we had sat near a window that was steamed as well. I sipped on my too hot to drink hot chocolate and cursed under my breath as it burned my tongue. I set the cup down, allowing it to cool. I set to defogging the window with the sleeve of my coat, now watching as all the people passed. Wondering what they were going home to, or what was going on in their life, or who was in their lives, if anyone. Only for those thoughts to wander to our relationship which then led to thoughts of what had caused me to lose the love of my life.

 _But somewhere we went wrong  
We were once so strong  
Our love is like a song  
You can't forget it_

I downed the last bit of my hot chocolate, grabbing my shopping bags and the empty cup making my way out into the cold London air. Throwing my empty cup in the waste bin before I left the shop. The cold wind was dying down a bit, leaving me to be a little more open with my arms rather than have them wrapped tight into me, reminding me of his arms wrapped around me. I cursed under my breath, tired of thinking about him, I closed my eyes and shook my head while continuing to walk. Big mistake.

 _Somewhere we went wrong  
We were once so strong  
Our love is like a song  
You can't forget it  
At all  
_

My body collided with someone else's, earning a string of curse words to fall from my lips and a shriek from theirs.

"I'm so sorry, I wasn't watching where I-" I mumbled slowly opening my eyes, only to stop when I was met by icy blue ones, ones that I knew too well. "Phil." I say without meaning to, the name just tumbled off my tongue, tasting slightly sour but most like a sweet.

"Dan! Hey, fancy seeing you out and about." Phil responds easily, looking me in the eyes. I turn my head away, unable to look at him for too long, scared I might end up crying and having the tears freeze to my cheeks. He looks great, better than ever, fresh. I look like an old sack of potatoes who was left to rot. When he sees that I wasn't going to offer up anything he continued on. "How have you been?" He asked with ease, and I envied him because of it.

"Fine." I lied, "Yourself?" I ask still not meeting his gaze, just watching his face as he smiled a little but, his ever present smirk fading into a soft one.

"I'm good." He said genuinely, making me slightly pissed at him. He did seem fine, totally and completely so. Making me feel even more like shit about myself. I nod in reply, thinking of how much pain I was in and if it was justified anymore.

 _And at last  
All the pictures have been burned  
And all the past  
Is just a lesson that we've learned  
I won't forget  
Please don't forget us  
_

"I should be going, I meeting up with some Uni friends." He says as if I wanted to know where he was going to. I sighed in relief, for some reason happy it was _just_ friends he was meeting. Could he have another partner this fast? Had he moved on?

"Yeah, yeah of course." I say finally meeting his gaze, sensing the slightest bit of pain. "We should talk sometime Phil." I say, meaning it. No matter how much I would hate to hear about his new happy life, I wanted to make that little pain that was in his eyes go away, let him go even. I knew it would hurt me more, but it would be worth it.

"Yeah, hit me up when you get home and we'll set a time?" He asked backing away into the direction I just had come from.

"Yeah sure thing. Bye Phil." I said as he waved a little.

"Bye Bear." He said, but he was too far gone for me to respond. And I felt stricken with remorse and grief and fear and for some reason hope. I shook the feeling away, knowing it was no use to have hope. We were over, and would remain that way, however much to my displeasure. _  
_

_Somewhere we went wrong  
Our love is like a song  
But you won't sing along  
You've forgotten  
About us_

Sometimes I think we should forget so we don't get forgotten, because being forgotten you get the pain, but when you forget, you don't feel pain because you don't remember the good times. Maybe we just shouldn't remember. But asking me not to remember him, that's like asking someone to forget their own name. My eyes still follow as he walks out of my field of vision, smiling happily, seemly relaxed and calm. There's a hint of remembrance, just barley there in the way his eyes shined. I will myself to think that he might not have forgotten and with some final words to the vacant space in front of me, I will myself walk the other way, into a different path to his.

"Don't forget."


	12. Come January

Come January

Words: 1,050

Type: Fluff, Christmas

Summary: It's Christmas, Dan gets a sweater and Phil tells Dan some good news.

Warnings: None. The word ho maybe?

The lights on the Christmas trees twinkled throughout the room. Phil's festive candle stinking up the house, in the nicest way possible. The world outside the windows was cold, bitterly so, with the first of many sleet filled nights, however, in their home the world was warm. The fire crackled ever so slightly and it filled the area in a sort of holy sense of happiness. The world was soon interrupted with a loud laugh emitting through the walls. As it were, it was Phil chuckling away at Dan's newest jumper. They'd just finished editing the second episode of Dilmas, and Dan had decided to show Phil the jumper he _wants_ to wear in the next episode, but he knows it wouldn't boat well if he did. The jumper in question was bright red, breaking all of Dan's monochrome rules, and with white letters bold across his chest. The pattern held snowflakes and zig-zagged lines, seemingly nothing bad about it. That is till you read the sweater. The sweater proudly read "Santa's Favorite Ho", however, Dan decided to change it slightly. He had written across Santa with a felt tip marker (yes it was like finger nails on a chalkboard even though it wasn't wood, but regardless Dan steadied through) and instead wrote Phil's. Dan was proud of his handy work and wanted to make Phil chuckle.

"You can't wear that Dan!" Phil laughed out after wiping some of his laughter tears away.

"I know but its funny right?" Dan said chucking as he walked over to stand in front of his boyfriend.

"And true." Phil stated resting his hands on Dan's waist. The younger placed his arms around Phil's neck, sitting down on the elders lap. The younger rested his forehead against the blue eyed man in front of him, sighing as Phil traced up and down his sides. It was a stressful time of year, but always so when the thought of the two being separate came into play. The two would be apart for some time, mainly just a week and it stressed the pair out profusely. "I was thinking," Phil continued after placing a light kiss to Dan's chapped lips.

"About how much you love me?" Dan joked lightly.

"No." Dan frowned at Phil's response, jokingly of course, because of course he knew Phil loved him, it had been well over seven years. "I mean I do love you of course but that not what I was thinking about." Dan giggled in response, an act both of them had grown accustomed to. "Maybe this year we won't have to be apart." Phil said in a whisper tone. Dan sighed. No matter how much he would like that to be true, it just was never the case.

"We both know we can't, you want to go see your parents and mine want me there." Dan responded rubbing his hands along Phil's cheek bones, relishing in the heat coming off Phil's face.

"I've worked out a plan though." Phil said hopefully. "I spoke to your mum the other day and-" Phil got cut off by Dan's questioning tone.

"Why were you speaking with my mother may I ask?" Dan said leaning back looking Phil in the eyes. Phil's eyes went wide and his face turned scarlet for a reason undenounced to Dan.

"I have my reasons Howell." Phil responded playfully, hoping Dan would drop it, and thankfully he did after an eye roll from his partner. "Anyway, she said that she would be okay if we came down a little bit later than she would normally like this year. And my mum said that you could come and stay with us on the day after Christmas." Phil said, stopping when met with Dan's questioning gaze.

"Why not on Christmas?" Dan asked after he noticed Phil's confusion.

"Well, I kinda want to just be with you this year. I know I know that's sappy, but I do." Phil concluded, hoping he hide the actual reason. Not that he didn't want to be with just Dan, which he did, it just wasn't the whole truth as to why. Alright so maybe Phil wanted a chance to see his boyfriend on Christmas Eve, when it was just the two of them and then wake Dan up Christmas morning, bouncing up and down on their bed. Maybe he wanted to give Dan his presents in peace where he was free to act accordingly to whatever the outcome was to be. Alright so maybe Phil wanted one Christmas Eve alone with his boyfriend before they went to the next level. And yes Dan was looking at him funky, knowing it wasn't the whole truth but being happy none the less.

"So, you're telling me, that I get to actually have Christmas alone, with my boyfriend in our own home for the first time in ever?" Dan questioned the ebony haired man under him.

"Yes." Phil said before Dan leaned down and captured his lips with his own. The kiss was light and loving, just like everyone, well almost everyone, they shared.

"So you're okay with this than?" Phil asked, already knowing it would be.

"Of course you Spork." Phil giggled at the nickname he had somehow gotten along their seven plus years together. "I love you, you know that?" Dan asked clinging tighter to the other before him.

"Something tells me I did." Phil said gesturing to the sweater Dan still had on. They both lost themselves into a fit of giggles. Once they both had recovered, Phil captured Dan's lips once more. "And I love you Dan." He said in return, the brown haired boy on top of his lap smiled, feeling his heartbeat one second too fast. They soon made their way into the lounge, and cuddled up on the sofa, wrapped in the other's arms. Phil knew this would be the first of many lone Christmas' with Dan. As the pair got toasty under the blanket, Phil thought of what the look on Dan's face will be when Phil pulls out that dark ring he bought last January, Phil thought of Dan as his, finally in creed. Phil thought of the way Dan wouldn't ever take it off, knowing that come January, the world would know Phan is canon.


	13. I Want This

I Want This

Words: 1153

Type: Fluff, Christmas Fluff, Established Relationship

Summary: After a tolling day, the pair cuddle on their couch and talk about the future.

The world outside the windows was cold, bitterly so, with the first snow of the year, coating the ground and roofs with the milky glow that emitted throughout the night sky. But, such as the contrast between Dana and Phil themselves, their home was a world of warmth. The fire crackled ever so slightly, glowing red then yellow then orange, then back to red again. The fire seemed to fill the area in a sort of holy sense of happiness and warmth that resembles the smell of fresh baked cookies. The giggles of children from underneath the lounge window filled the air. Dan and Phil were snuggling closely on their sofa. The lights were off so the only light emitted into the room was the soft glow of the twinkling lights from off their newly decorated tree. The smell of Christmas sugar cookies filled the air, courtesy of Phil's advent candle. The two were exhausted from both online and offline events, from planning their US tour to finding the perfect gift for friends and family members. A Christmas throw was laid over the both of them, which was a feat in itself as normal heighted people had a struggling fitting themselves under it, not to mention another, and that struggle was just about tripled when you are both 6 foot something. The TV played on quietly in the background, almost just there for background noise for their thoughts. Dan and Phil shuffled, well tried to shuffle, closer together. Their legs already intertwined tightly, Phil hugging Dan close to his chest with Dan's head on this right shoulder with Dan's arms wrapped tightly around his midsection, half from trying desperately not to fall of the couch, and half because it's his Phil and he just wants the comfort of _Phil_.

"You ever think about the future Phil?" Dan asked curiously when the show went to commercial break. The question had been bugging his mind for a while now, what did Phil want, what did he want?

"Yeah, you know that, we have to plan the tour." Phil said with his best effort not to giggling.

"Not like that you Spork!" Dan giggling into Phil's chest as Phil giggled too.

"I know!" Phil giggled out as he pulled Dan fully against his chest, in a tight, warm squeeze.

"Seriously, do you?" Dan asked quietly against Phil's neck of his Christmas jumper, still not having changed from their filming of Dilmas earlier that day. Dan felt his heart flutter as a gentle kiss was pressed to the top of his slightly curled hobbit hair.

"Of course I do Love." Phil said, laying his head to rest on top of Dan's. The two paused their conversation for a moment, watching as the commercial showed a little girl running down stairs on Christmas morning to find a puppy waiting for her. Dan thought curiously if his future involved children. Would it involve a puppy? Dan sighed out a little breath trying to clear his avid thoughts.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Phil asked lightly into the brunet's ear, kissing his temple when he finished asking in a soft, warm tone.

"What do you want to happen?" Dan asked, turning to look at the man next to him. This man was his best friend, his co-worker, his light, his laughter, his home, his love, his boyfriend, his everything. This loving man who had been his home for longer than Dan thought possible. He wondered if it would last. Maybe it was just the cold outside that made him question the future, maybe it was old thoughts coming back. Whatever the reason he only hoped that Phil would be in his future for many years to come, in whatever way possible.

"I want this," Phil leaned his head onto Dan's forehead, looking him in the eyes as he dropped his voice to a whisper. "I want you, preferably forever." He said kissing Dan's soft, but chapped lips. "I want sofa cuddles and good morning kisses." He giggled, taking one of Dan's hands, lacing it with his own. "I want love and hope. I want to eat your cereal and I want to hold hands with you." He earned a small giggle from Dan, most likely due to the secret eating he 'hated' so much. Phil giggled lightly before continuing. "I want to share coffee kisses. I want to give neck kisses and goodnight kisses." Phil kissed Dan's neck lightly for effect and Dan's eyes visibly soften when Phil's met his again. "I want the good and the bad times. The struggles and the gains. I want happiness, I want good health. I want a home with you." Phil cooed on. "I want movie nights and summer cuddles. I want water fights and makeup kisses. I want tickle fights and giggly kisses." Phil leaned his head against Dan's forehead once more, staring at the brown eyes laid before him. "I want winter time cuddles and snow angels. I want fall coffees and spooky sneak attacks. I want springtime colors around me and I want laughter." Phil said, hoping Dan was understanding him. "I want cake smeared on my face. I want everyone to know your mine. I want to kiss you whenever I please. I want hugs and cuddles." Dan's eyes were so soft by this point that it was surprising they hadn't melted into a puddle of warm chocolate. Phil could see the small tears welling in his eyes, feeling them in his own. "I want love. But really, the only thing I want is you. I just want this." Dan blushed greatly and hide his beet red face behind his long slender hands. Phil kissed the top of Dan's hands in a giggle before pulling them away. "Does that sound alright?" Phil asked, seeing the tears on Dan's pink tinted cheek.

"It sounds perfect." Dan said softly, releasing all doubt he had in his mind about the future. This was Phil. This was real. This was their moment in time, this was their memory and only their beginning.

"So it's a plan then." Phil said, leaning into the younger, kissing his lips softly, tasting the slight saltiness mixing with his own tears. They pulled apart, only really needing the warmth of cuddles as promise of their love.

"I love you Phil." Dan whispered against the elder's chest as he turned his body back into their original position from their earlier cuddling.

"I love you Bear." Phil replied with a kiss to the younger's head, wrapping his arms tightly around Dan, pulling him close. They returned to lazily watching TV, the giggling children outside their window seemed to return to their respective homes. The lights seemed dimmer and the snow seemed to fall lighter. The blanket slightly off shew, the fire still lightly crackling. The air still smelling of cookies, but now the air held something it hadn't before. Faith.


	14. I'm Glad I Found You

I'm Glad I Found You

Words: 2005

Type: Fluff, Christmas Fluff, Hella Cute

Summary: It's their first Christmas alone together after seven and some years of dating. So, naturally, it's going to be memorable. And maybe, something adds to that factor.

The snow was falling fast outside the bedroom window. The warmth of the apartment was fogging it over due to the contrast of the temperature as it was freezing outside. The ground was glowing a pure white that emitted throughout the morning sky. Phil awake rather early in the morning, comforted by a cocoon of warmth and _Dan._ Their bodies were practically one, not that Phil minded one bit. It had always been like this, at least for the past seven something years. Dan and Phil always snuggling closely, either in their bed or on their sofa. Phil rubbed his eyes that were still getting used to the pale light of the morning seeping through the window. Phil was exhausted from last minute preparations for Christmas. Then it came to him, it was Christmas. _Christmas!_ His first thought was to quickly get out of bed and race to the Christmas tree, just like he had all his life. But then, this Christmas was already different from all the rest. He wasn't with his family, no, he was with his Dan. Which in turn made Phil's heart flutter and his eyes widen in realization. Today was the day. The day he had been planning for at least five months. The day that he removed that ring he had since the beginning of June sitting in the very back of his crap drawer so Dan wouldn't find it. The day that would change their lives. A Christmas neither would ever forget, and not just because it was their first Christmas together. Phil turned over to look at his sleeping boyfriend's face. He was beyond adorable, whether he would acknowledged it or not. The hair that sat on the his head was now curly, which is what it usually was Dan is too lazy to do his hair, after all it was only Phil here to see him. Phil felt a smile creep on his face just thinking about waking up to this sight for the rest of his life. Waking up to Dan. He reached up and moved Dan's fringe from in front of his eyes.

"Dan, honey?" Phil spoke softly, leaning slightly closer to the younger man in front of him.

"Hmppf." Dan huffed back as Phil giggled at his eyes that Dan had scrunched closed in order to not wake up.

"Can we do Christmas now love?" Phil asked lightly. He was anxious for the presents, even anxious for their first Christmas together, but more so for what he was going to do.

"Too early." Dan spoke only to have it muffled after trying his head into his pillow. Phil giggled again, turning to grab his phone to check the time.

"No bear, it's eight in the morning. And it's Christmas." Phil begged. He wanted to have his day with Dan _now_.

"But I'm comfyyyyyyyy." Dan dragged out in a tired, childish manner. Phil laughed loudly this time. He leaned in and planted a quick kiss to his boyfriends now exposed lips.

"Too bad, time to get up!" Phil got out of bed, disrupting the pocket of warmth they had created in the night and Dan grumbled and frantically, with his eyes still close mind you, to get warm again. Phil wasn't having any of it. It was time to get up. He jumped up on the bed and then went to straddling Dan, who was now laying on his back.

"Wake up or else." Phil warned removing Dan's arm from in front of his eyes, protecting it from the dull light.

"Or else what?" Dan asked finally opening his eyes. Phil instantly smiled as his eyes met Dan's. He could tell Dan was excited and happy, although still tried. He quickly leaned down for yet another peck on the younger's chapped lips only to find that Dan wasn't about to let Phil just have a peck. Dan instantly kissed back. Phil smiled into the kiss and planted another kiss on his boyfriend's lips before pulling away this time.

"Or else no presents." Phil stated in a way that made Dan laugh lightly, as he reached up and took Phil's hands in his own, holding them up and watching as they laced perfectly together.

"I think I'd live." Dan said jokingly as he brought Phil's hands to his lips and kissed them softly. This was his Phil. This was all he needed.

"Alright then no kisses." Phil stated jokingly, knowing how Dan would react. Dan's eyes widen in a joking manner.

"Now can't have that can I?" He stated before pulling Phil in for a loving kiss. It was their first true kiss of the Dan, their first Christmas kiss ever. Dan smiled as Phil pulled away and rested his head against Dan's own. "Merry Christmas Phil." Dan spoke softly.

"Merry Christmas Dan." Phil said before leaning away quickly. "Alright, stop stalling. Up, up, up!" Phil said, now standing next to Dan's side of their bed. Dan laughed as he removed himself from the bed. Phil started to then drag Dan into the lounge.

"Phil wait a minute, I have to pee and put on pants and a shirt you Spork!" He said as he turned Phil around to face him to see Phil beaming at him.

"Alright you have four minutes, I'll be in the lounge love." Phil said kissing Dan's cheek and walking towards the lounge leaving Dan behind. Dan watched him leave, shaking his head side to side, wondering if this is how it was going to be every Christmas.

"Thank you Dan." Phil says sincerely after receiving his all gifts from Dan. As they had been alternating opening gifts, it was now Dan's last one. And Phil was terrified. "You ready for your last gift?" Phil asked, hoping Dan wouldn't pick up on his nervousness.

"As ready as I'll ever be." Dan said with a smile present on his face. Phil giggled and quickly stood from the couch where they were opening gifts.

"I'll be right back I have to go get it." Phil left the room and raced into their bedroom-Phil's old one- and opened his laptop. He pulled up the camera that he had placed in the lounge pointed at him and Dan, ready to capture the, hopefully, happy moment. He hit the record button as the feed started to come to his computer. He saw Dan looking at all the gifts he'd just received. Phil smiled lightly as the nervous bubbled in his stomach. This is it. He went to the video file on his laptop and made it full screen. Then he made sure the ring was in his pajama bottoms before walking back into the living room to see Dan turn towards him with a confused face.

"It's on your laptop?" Dan questions as Phil draws nearer to him. Phil simply nods, not trusting his speaking skills at this point. He places the laptop on Dan's lap and sits down next to him as Dan scoots as close as possible. _Breathe Phil, Breathe._

Dan clicks play.

The video is everything. It's their 'edit that bit out's it's their sneaky photos of each other. It's their kisses and their cuddles. It's their play arguments and their family hugs. It's their families sneaky photos of them being cute together, it's moments from those skype calls, moments from when they were on tour. It was Phil's sneaky kisses to sleeping Dan and his and Dan's morning cuddles. It's the moments so ordinary but yet so far from where either thought this relationship would go. It's Phil secret cereal eating and morning anime together. It's their hold hands and shared coffee kisses. It's their neck kisses and goodnight kisses. It's their movie nights and summer cuddles. Their water fights and makeup kisses. It's their tickle fights and giggly kisses. It's winter time cuddles and snow angels. It has fall coffees and spooky sneak attacks. It has laughter, it has love. It's their favorite songs, it's their life. It's every moment of their relationship in a video, from the start, till now. As the last few seconds roll out, Phil gets off the couch without Dan paying much mind. He is too preoccupied with his and Phil's memories playing before his eyes. The video come to a conclusion, and with tears in Dan's eyes he looks to the spot where Phil was, and registering he isn't there. He moves the computer to the side and sees Phil on one knee with a ring in his hand. Phil looked up at Dan, meeting his loving happy gaze, seeing the Christmas tree lights reflected in them, dancing wildly. Then it all happened. He poured out his heart, noting everything that happened within the past seven some years. Noting the skype calls, funny times in his bed, the Manchester eye kiss. Noting 2012 and 2009. They giggled together as the past was replayed yet again I his words.

"I know that we have had one hell of a ride to this point, and I know we've not had the smoothest relationship. But it has been the best. I wouldn't trade what we have for anything." Phil takes a deep breath, trying to force the tears back. "I'm glad we found each other. I'm glad I found you." Phil smiles widely as a tear traces his cheek, just as multiple ones trace Dan's. "I want to be with you forever. You already know that. I've told you that before, maybe not with words, but with kisses and cuddles." He giggles as Dan smile widens. "I know there will come a time when all you remember is the little things, like the way the our I loves sounded the first time, or the feel of your lips pressed to mine, and when that time comes, I hope I'm still beside you. So, I know this isn't the best place to do it, and it's not traditional, or maybe not romantic enough, but Dan," He paused drawing in a large breath before he uttered the words that would change their fate. "All I want is you, and I want that forever, because you make me smile and laugh like no one else." He paused again. Breathing in deeply, preparing for the words that would change everything. "I love you more than you'll ever know. So will you, Daniel James Howell, marry me?" He asked, watching as Dan shook his head yes, with tears cascading down his cheeks, with his hands still over his mouth in shock.

"Of course I will you spork." Dan stated softly, dropping on his knees as well, coming face to face with Phil as the ring was slide on his ring finger. As Phil drew his hand away from Dan's, their lips meet and moved softly together. A kiss that they would forever remember. Smiles broke the kiss and giggles soon followed. Dan looked down at the band on his finger, smiling like an idiot, just as Phil was as well.

"I love you." Dan said looking up at Phil again and burying his face into the elder's neck. "I love you so so so so much." Dan breathed into Phil's neck. Phil felt Dan's tears on his neck as he kissed Dan's still curly hair. Even though they were in their lounge on Christmas, in the morning before the sun had even fully rose, in their pjs, they both knew that nothing would be better than this moment. They move up onto the couch and cuddle some more, while talking about memories and anything that happens to come out of their mouths. The camera sat in the tree capturing all of it. Maybe not for their viewers to see, but just for them, for a memory.

And later if, after skype calls to both the families, while lying in bed cuddling together, there is a photo posted of the happy couple cuddling being anything but just friends, with a ring proudly there for all to see, then that's not really anybody's business.


	15. Almost

Almost

Words: 619

Type: Angst, Letter

Summary: Phil explains why almost is his least favorite word.

Almost is the worst word in the English language. Sure it doesn't sound gross, but the meaning makes my stomach ache and drop, twist and turn. In some contexts it's fine, preferable even, but in most, the word seems to just trigger something no one wants to feel. From what I learned, almost is like a poison that is used by everyone without much thought. It's lying in wait at the surface, ready to strike. Almost is failed potential, failed greatness. Almost is when we are so close but not quite there. Almost is like saying you tired but didn't succeed. Almost is everything good that didn't quite happen. Almost is everything that failed, trying to make it sound positive. It _almost_ works too.

For me, almost never bothered me until my three am thoughts found its way to you again. The 'almost's in our relationship were great, until they weren't. While they were good almost seemed like a blessing, but the almost's turned sour, and hard to swallow. The almost's seemed to be daggers hitting my heart with every use. The almost's made it sound fine to anyone else but to me, to us, they sounded like a wicked laughter to our ears. The almost's were plentiful. The almost's were nothing more than being so close to something and yet so far. I know you probably don't care, and maybe you've even ripped this up and thrown it away, _almost_ remembering me. _Almost._ I _almost_ forgot you yesterday, after the seventh bottle, but once again that's only an almost. I didn't. How could I? If you are still reading, well, I _almost_ wish you wouldn't, but that is not completely what I want or else I wouldn't have sent this to you after writing this with tears streaming down my face at four am _almost_ hitting the paper and smudging my messy half-drunk handwriting. Because I am most absolutely positive that you are _almost_ sorry for what happened to us. Because, my love, you _almost_ stayed. I wrote a little list of some of our almost's, in order from the start to the end of our _almost_ great relationship, to help you see why almost is a slow brewing poison.

I _almost_ didn't notice you.

You _almost_ made a fool of yourself on our first skype call.

You _almost_ gave up on yourself.

I _almost_ didn't suggest you coming to mine.

You _almost_ missed the train.

We _almost_ fell over when you ran to me for our first hug.

You _almost_ didn't kiss me that night.

We _almost_ didn't happen.

Your parents _almost_ wanted you to not see me.

You _almost_ didn't say you loved me.

You _almost_ didn't go to school in Manchester.

I _almost_ didn't suggest us living together.

The video _almost_ didn't go live.

We _almost_ broke up.

You _almost_ left.

We _almost_ might not have moved to London.

You _almost_ wanted to tell them.

We _almost_ got fired from the radio show.

We _almost_ didn't make a gaming channel.

We _almost_ didn't make a merch store.

We _almost_ killed each other whilst writing our book.

We _almost_ didn't go to Japan.

We _almost_ relieved our secret to the world.

We _almost_ had no tension.

We _almost_ never fought.

We _almost_ made up.

You _almost_ didn't leave.

You _almost_ apologized.

You _almost_ didn't move out.

You _almost_ said you loved me again.

You _almost_ stayed.

We _almost_ made it.

We _almost_ had our happy ending.

But almost, my love, almost is never quite enough. I _almost_ want to forget you, but that's only an almost.

I _almost_ don't love you. But, bear, sadly I still do. And sadly, I _almost_ believe you love me. _Almost._


	16. Thanks to Tyler

Thanks to Tyler

Words: 2060

Type: Fluff, Prompt, Vidcon

Summary: Tyler finds out that Dan likes Phil and that Phil likes Dan. Tyler then plays match maker, kinda.

"Look Tyler, it's not like that. He likes me as a _friend_ nothing more alright?" Dan said for the umpteenth time. Dan was growing tired of the man sat at the end of his hotel room bed. Vidcon was in a few days and they all had come early, and Dan just wanted to leave. Not that he didn't want to be here to see his friends or see his viewers but he was tired of Tyler beating the dead horse, nothing was going to happen between Phil and him, it was not like that. Granted he wouldn't mind it if something were to happen but that's beside the point. The shorter of the two had been rambling for ages about love and romance and how he thought so and so should get together, and then it moved onto Dan's love life. The fact of the matter is that there is no love life to speak of, not since he started living with Phil. Sure there was the odd date in the early years but they never lead to anything more. And now here they were, him and Tyler, hashing out the probability of the improbable. The fact of Dan and Phil dating one another.

"Oh come on, you and I both know that you like him and-"Tyler's words were cut off by a hand placed over his mouth, clamping it shut. An Angry looking Dan belonging to said hand.

"Shhhh! Why don't you say it louder so the people in Alaska can hear you!" Dan yells in a whisper tone, knowing that someone could over hear.

"So it's true?" Tyler asked after prying Dan's large hand from his mouth. Tyler's shit eating grin spread across his face, reaching his eyes that flickered with excitement. Dan immediately grew flustered. That wasn't supposed to come out.

"Maybe," Dan starts off threateningly pointing his finger in the others face, edging closer and closer to him, "but I swear to God Tyler if you say or do anything I will personally-"

"I won't don't worry don't worry, I'll drop it." Tyler cuts Dan off while getting off the bed, smile still ever present if not becoming slightly mischievous. "I have to go speak with Korey now, but thanks for the chat." He says backing up to the door in a hurry, rushing to get his plan in motion.

"Tyler I swear to God-" Dan was cut off by the door slamming closed. He sighed heavily and flopped backwards onto the bed from his sitting position, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. "What have I done?"

Tyler raced down the hall and to the elevator. He needed to find Phil, he needed to know if he felt the same towards Dan. Tyler rolled his eyes at the thought as the elevator opened on his floor, stepping into it and laughing slightly. _Of course Phil likes Dan, it doesn't take a genius to see that._ He thought as he pressed to button to get to the ground level. Phil was speaking with Cat the last Tyler had seen him, and that was only a bit ago. Dan had wanted a drink but was too lazy to go get it so Phil decided to go get them both one and talk with Cat for a moment or two. The perfect opportunity to get them both alone. As the elevator hit the ground floor, the doors opened to a grinning Phil.

"Hey Tyler!" the taller said entering the elevator and hugging Tyler tightly. "Thought you were talking with Dan?" He questioned when they pulled back.

"I was, he sent me down here to find you for his drink actually." Tyler lied smoothly.

"I'm just heading up there now." Phil smiled as the doors closed to the lift. "How have you been?" He said the shorter.

"I've been good, a little lonely." Tyler says trying to get to the point a little faster than he would have preferred. "How have you been single for all those years? I mean I need cuddles all the time." Tyler states bringing the conversation in the right direction.

'Oh, um-" Phil wasn't expecting his love life to be brought up on the ride a few floors up. "I've had Dan so I'm not really lonely." Phil states not really realizing the truth behind his words. He never felt lonely around Dan. They gave cuddles and hugs all the time so it wasn't really that far from the truth. He and Dan always were cuddly with one another, that's just how they were. Although it's not to say that Phil sometimes felt slightly lonely when thinking of a partner romantically. He hadn't dated in years but it didn't really bother him because he had Dan. Phil snapped out of his train of thought when Tyler asked him another question.

"Dan cuddles the loneliness away then?" Tyler asked, hiding his ever growing love for the game he was playing.

"Yeah, he's Dan." Phil said as if that explained everything.

"Does that mean you like him?" Tyler asked in a fake gasp, with a smile growing on his face.

"Tyler, you know Dan and I are just friends. Besides, it doesn't matter if I like him or not, he's my best friend, I'm not going to ruin that for some one way feelings." Phil said looking Tyler in the eyes before exiting the elevator with a wave.

"Understood!" Tyler yelled after him just before the doors shut between them. Tyler jumped a little in excitement. He was most defiantly going to be playing match maker tonight.

Dan and Phil were standing near a table in the far left-hand corner of the large party tent, this wasn't really their scene and they kinda just wanted to go back to their rooms. Well, more like they wanted to go back to one of their rooms, which were of course connected, and sit down on the bed, cuddle, and put on a movie only for them to talk over it. Either way, they both knew they did not want to be here, around hundreds of drunk sweaty loud youtubers after a long day at Vidcon.

"How much longer do you think we should stay?" Phil yelled over the loud music, looking at Dan as the colored lights danced across his face. Phil hadn't drank anything other than a Sprite tonight and Dan had a glass of water as well as a Sprite, so neither were drunk or even impaired at all, making this 'party' all the more harder to stay at, leading to the reason they wanted to leave.

"Only a few more minutes, just say good night to some of our other friends yeah?" Dan asked shouting over the new song that the speakers are blasting. Phil nodded and they both started to search the mass of people looking for some of their friends.

"I see Cat over there!" Phil yelled to Dan, tugging on his arm to point out where she was. They made their way over to Cat and said their good nights, along with the others they had bumped into on the way. As the two moved towards the door a rather tipsy Tyler approached them.

"HEEYYYY Guys!" Tyler yelled far too loudly for the distance held between them all.

"Yeah, we just want an early night in because tomorrow we have to be up early for meet and greets." Dan replied with a laugh as Tyler stumbled a little.

"Surrree." Tyler slurred with a smirk on his face. The two British boys looked at each other in confusion at his skeptical tone.

"Why did you say it like that?" Phil asked on behalf of the both of them. The party around them seemed to getting louder and louder, more and more packed, squeezing Dan closer to Phil, not that either really minded the closeness.

"Oh nothing. Have fun going to bed." Tyler said with a wink and a loud giggle. "I'm sure that you'll be reeeeal tired afterwards. I know it's been a while for the both of you so I get needing to leave early for this kinda thing." Tyler said leaning in being really serious for a moment. Dan and Phil exchanged a quick side glance at one another, totally at a loss as to what Tyler was hinting at. Then it clicked for Dan and his face blushed crimson, although it was hardly noticeable under the multicolored lights. But Phil noticed and then he understood too, and he grew slighter red as well.

"Tyler, no really, we are just friends, we aren't heading to bed early to do um _that_." Phil spoke softly to Tyler, careful of the other people around the group of three.

"Oh come on, you really have gone for it yet Lester?! What about you Howell?" Dan and Phil's eyes both went wide at his words, knowing what was coming next.

"I swear to God Tyler if you-" Dan whispered harshly to Tyler.

"Dan likes you Phil!" Tyler told the other but careful not to let others over hear. Dan hide his face in his hands and did a little huff into them before his eyes met Phil's. He opened his mouth to protest, not wanting to ruin their evening in with his unreciprocated feelings, but Tyler interrupted him. "Dan, Phil likes you!" He stated in a slur, clearly the alcohol affecting him more than earlier. Phil looked sheepish and the two boys stood just outside the mass of people at a tent party at Vidcon, hearing for the first time in seven and some years, that their feelings were reciprocated, unable to do anything about it. They both looked one another in the eyes and just knew Tyler's words were true. The pair giggle and shuffled slightly closer together, before Dan started to speak.

"Alright well goodnight me and Phil have some talking to do now." Dan stated, grabbing Phil's hand and interlacing their fingers, dragging Phil out of the tent and towards their rooms for their night in with just a hint of possible kissing now instead of just cuddles.

"No need to thank me! It was all part of the plan!" Tyler said as the pair raced towards the hotel giggling together. Phil raised his hand showing a form of thanks to Tyler just before they entered the hotel. Tyler smirked that his plan worked, they now knew and he wasn't going to be yelled at because he was obviously very "drunk".

In the hotel Dan and Phil walked to their rooms in comfortable silence, silently agreeing this was a more private thing to discuss without possible eavesdroppers around. They hurriedly unlocked the door to Phil's room and entered with Dan's arms around Phil's waist. _Finally,_ they both thought. The door clicked closed behind them and Phil turned around in Dan's arms quickly, taking the younger by surprise when soft warm lips hit his. The kiss lasted a moment of two, of nothing but comfort and warmth and ease. When the two pulled back they just smiled shyly at each other. Then Dan giggled at his thought but kept the words in his mouth.

"What?" Phil asked sensing it wasn't about his kissing skills and or his kinda admission of liking him.

"It only took seven and some years and a drunk Tyler for us to finally do that." Dan hummed as he planted a kiss on Phil's nose. Phil sighed in reply, finally feeling whole and at peace with his thoughts. "Is it too soon to tell you I love you?" Dan asked in a whispered tone, scared the answer would be yes.

"Not soon enough." Phil said kissing Dan's lips, living on that feeling for a while, breathing him in. "I love you Bear." Phil said in between their kisses. The two eventually laid down and ''watched' a movie and cuddle in closely, sharing and placing kisses whenever they please. They both were falling asleep in each other's arms after saying their I love yous and goodnights. Phil giggled, kissing Dan's head. Dan looked up at his Phil with a questioning look.

"We'll have to thank Tyler tomorrow. Thanks to him, I have you." Dan rolled his eyes tiredly at the cheesiness of the situation before they drifted off into a blissful sleep, thanks to Tyler.


	17. Enough

Enough

Type: Fluff, Angst, Hurt, Comfort

Words: 3030

Summary: Phil has been being distant and Dan feels like their friendship is over, while Phil is trying to block out some thoughts that he doesn't want to think about, the thoughts of Dan needing more.

Maybe it was because of the cold outside the window or maybe it was because the thought came out of the darkest corners of my mind, seemly out of nowhere, that the thought scared me to this extreme, but either way, I ended up under my covers, sheet pulled over my head, blocking the world out. The darkness surrounded me, creating a comfort of the feeling of a pause in the world around me. The only sound interrupting the dark silence was of keys clicking on a laptop, his laptop, in the lounge, with the television playing in the background. The only noise that wasn't the ringing of the thoughts that hounded me to this state, and yet I much preferred the thoughts to the clicking of keys from someone I barely saw anymore. Still, as inviting as it was, I laid under the dark sheets of my bed and felt my world fall around me, crumbling like ancient ruins during an earthquake, falling into broken fragments that once fit into such a beautiful piece of art. Just like the collapse of an ancient building, the falling apart of my life was inevitable. Of course, it was, everything only lasted so long. However, the crash of my world seemed too sudden, like an unexpected snow in, something I was entirely unprepared for, because the prospect of Phil growing apart from me had never occurred to me. It might have to do with the shrinking years he has left to achieve his dreams, the pure fact of aging might be the cause, however unlikely. I had, of course, understood he was getting older I just never connected it to getting older. Just as I hadn't connected it with distancing himself from me. The thought nagged at the back of my mind for months, the thought of him wanting to achieve those lifelong dreams of a loving partner and a few children, that when I noticed the small changes in behavior, I began to feel the dread of the end of us set in. Phil was getting to the age of settling down, while I was still in the awkward years of adventure, but that isn't to say I didn't want to settle down, I was never the adventures type.

Four years his junior never mattered to me, to us really. He was still my best friend regardless of the age gap. We gabbed like best friends, because we were, are rather. But there comes a point in time where all good things must come to an end. And to me, the end to this world we had created seemed fast approaching, if only in my head, however unlikely that seemed with each passing day. There's a point where a tree no longer yields beautiful flowers and where the sky decides to cloud over. Where the last snow melts or when the snow first falls. There's an end to everything, and this was no exception. No matter the amount of wishing I did, that matter could not be changed. It was like dealing with Alzheimer's, you know it's there, and you know that you only have so much time left, but we push it away, only to have it gnaw away at our minds until there is no denying to clear truth.

The atmosphere under the covers breed false hope, it was warm and inviting, against the bitter cold of my thoughts. I had come to the conclusion long ago that nothing is permanent, neither you nor I, neither the earth or the sky, but rather everything has varying time slots that it can take up. It's a rather odd thing, truly, to think of the person who you've spent so much time with to just change randomly, as if without your permission. Phil was changing. I could see the glint in his eyes dull a little, the smile on his face never quite reaching the blue orbs anymore. I could tell in his gestures, the hands he once used to speak with stayed limp at his sides. His enthusiasm seemed to have died out, a funeral of which was unattended by myself. His hair went without straightening and his socks without the mismatched charm. His face had a five o'clock shadow and glasses almost always on his face. His gaze would hardly meet mine, he was distancing himself, whether he knew it or not.

The first thing I noticed, despite the amount of time dedicated to looking at Phil, was my cereal. I had bought his favorite of mine, knowing that he'd sneak a bit here and there. You'd think that with all the angry comments I make that I would hate when he ate my food, but it rarely bothered me. Strangely it felt normal to share my food with him, life an old married couple where one would deny liking something and then as soon as it was in the house they would eat almost all of it. But, as the days drone on, it never happened. A solid week had past all the while I thought that he might not have noticed that I got the cereal, but as I sat at the dining table for breakfast, anime ready to watch on screen with the spoon in my hand as I munch at the cereal, Phil walked past not really caring about the cereal change. He glanced at me and gave a meek smile as he entered the lounge and instead of sitting at the table, he sat at the sofa. And instead of watching the anime he pulled out headphones and plugged them into his laptop, inserted them in his ears, and ate his Shreddies in silence, laptop on his lap, oblivious to my shocked state. I played it off in my head as Phil needing a little space, after seven years it was notable why. It continued, with small breaks of our 'normal' back in the mix, but rarely so. Something was wrong.

I don't ask.

The next thing I notice was the lack of talking, or any communication really. Being that we are best friends, Phil and I hardly went a few hours without acknowledging one another in some way. On top of that the doors in our house that were rarely used, now seemed to be used whenever he wanted. Before this his door was always either open or slightly jarred so I could yell to him and speak with him without a barrier in the way. The lounge door was never closed, there was no need for it to be. The only door really we closed was the main door and toilet. Other than that the doors were always open. Always. But no longer. It started slow, his door slowly getting more and more closed each day until the door was sealed shut. Then it started in the living room, the door that before this had rarely to ever been used, now was used whenever he sat in there, closing off communication. Before this the longest time we spent being silent was while we were sleeping, rarely would we go three hours without a word. Now it was more like three days. He was closing off. He was drifting. I was fading.

Countless things seemed to take their toll over the month of bitterness but tonight just seemed to be one on the worst. We used to eat dinner together but no longer was that true. We rarely saw one another, let alone ate with each other. The tension hung in the air around us, but neither made an effort to remove it.

And that terrified me.

Phil hates conflict and tension so this would never normally happen. He would resolve it in one way or another and we would fall back into the normal process of our lives.

I wonder what caused this, I wonder if it was me. Did I snuggle to close, did I push the boundaries of our friendship, of our delicate friendship. Had I said something, had I done something? Did I forget clean the dishes, or vacuum the carpet? Did I forget something he needed at the store, did I buy the wrong thing at the store?

The realization is what really broke me.

Maybe it was just time.

Surely 19 year old Dan knew it, hell he lived like it. You only have so much time for x thing before it ends up changing. And maybe Phil wanted his time, his interaction with me, to be done. Maybe the universe did. My cheeks were wet, my chest rising and falling unsteadily. The truth was hurting yes, but losing Phil is going to hurt even more that just realizing I will. Maybe I already had.

Hours seemed to tick by, not much of the time under here was dedicated to thinking anymore, more so sulking. I could feel the fall into the extensional crisis happening, too tired and weak to stop it. My hair had gone curly, my cheeks tight from dried tears, eyes red from all the rubbing. I felt numb. Numb and alone.

The night was eerily quiet, the only sound was the clicking from my keys of the laptop balanced on my lap. I tried desperately to lose myself in it. It didn't seem to work. My mind still finding its way to those stupid thoughts. The thoughts of Dan. Of his dreams and wishes. Of all the things I can never give him. The things he'll leave me for.

The silence buzzes in my ears, growing louder and louder. He'll leave, it's inevitable. All things end, no matter how badly you want them to last forever.

When I was younger I had a plan, it was full proof. I was going to graduate college and get my perfect job. I would run into my soulmate and get married, and a few years later have kids, settling down in a nice two story house with loads of windows and a dog of my own. I would have everything by thirty. But you see, I don't have that. But I feel like little Phil left out a few important exceptions and other things. Yes, I still want those things, I still want a house with a dog in the garden, a baby in its crib upstairs and someone who will love me in all the ways I want. I still want that, but it seems to come secondary now. When I meet Dan, they seemed less relevant. I was happy. I had my dream job, but every other aspect was put on hold, postponed, saved for a later date. I was happy with my life, I am happy with it. I was happy with just Dan. But will Dan be happy with just me?

Dan is young, still able to go and do what he wants, still time to change his path to achieve his goals. Still time to find that person he's always wanted and still time to get what he wants.

I chose him.

And that was selfish.

I hate myself for choosing him, and not because I'm unhappy, but because Dan might not want just me forever. I hate looking at him knowing I'm the one choosing my wants over his. I hate that I revised my wants to be what we have, knowing that in the end one of us will get hurt. And I don't want it to be Dan.

The house is silent still, wrong in every way. I've been a dick to him lately, however not intentional, I know I have. I can tell he knows too. I can tell he's hurt. Maybe, I think, maybe he'll understand, maybe he'll move on, live his dream. I don't want to be the one holding him back like I am now.

My eyes are heavy as I slide to lay on the couch, looking at the closed door, hating that I shut it, shutting him out. I stare at the ceiling, resting my head on the armrest. I think about him and his dreams. Him and his personality. Him and his laugh. Him and his needs. Him and his eyes. Him.

I wake suddenly, not realizing I had fallen asleep. The flat is still cold, still silent. I sigh deeply. The sleep seemed to help. It helped me think things over, re-evaluate what I'm doing. What I'm doing to him, to me, is pointless. It's only hurting us both. Why waste what time I have left with him? Why waste my limited days? I sit up slowly, glancing at the clock noticing the time reading half past one in the morning. Is he up? I wonder with the thought of finally feeling okay again, with Dan again, in my mind, ready to happen, though clouded with worry, making me feel the need to wait. But I'm done waiting.

I quickly make my way to his door, frowning at seeing the darkness creeping out from the crack in between the bottom of the door and the ground. I think momentarily that he's sleeping. I consider going to bed and just waiting till morning, not wanting to cause anymore disruption, but it's late, and I miss him, and I don't want to anymore. I want his cuddles and warmth, I want his voice and laughter. I want him.

I open the door, and see a blob under the covers, fully submerged. I smile, feeling happy for the first time in weeks. The caution is thrown to the wind, the fear, the dread, replaced with just the feeling of being content. The feeling of home.

"Dan?" I whisper quietly. The lump under the cover stirs, clearly startled by the voice sounding throughout the room, which is understood, we haven't spoken today. Or yesterday. The inner guilt bubbles in my gut, knowing I'm the only one to blame, I pushed him away, I caused our pain.

"Hmpfft." Dan mutters in reply. His throat sounds…worn, like he'd been screaming for hours, but I couldn't care less about how his voice sounded because it's Dan. And he's here and he's okay and he isn't leaving. My eye catches on his mop of hair as it surfaces, curly and chocolatey, perfect. The thoughts I never allow myself to indulge in surface when my heart rate picks up. It's the same feeling I got when I first saw him on webcam and in person. It was the feeling I got whenever he snuggled against my chest closely and hugged me with all he had. It was the feeling of seeing his weary morning side that I knew I was the only one who could see it. I knew the feeling, if only by description from the butterflies I felt when our hand gazed one another or when his hips leant against mine on the sofa. I know I'm feeling, and I am almost certain he knows too. I cared so much about hiding it before but I don't hide it now, I don't care if he knows or if the fans know. I just want him, I just want him in whatever way I can have him. I know that my feelings, even though they are so much more than what that word can describe, may not ever be addressed, but I don't care because it's Dan. My Dan. His eyes poke out of the wad of covers and my mood instantly sinks. His eyes are red rimmed, blood shot, glossy with tears. Tears because of me and my stupid distancing. I feel like shit for hurting him and all I want is to just run up and kiss and cuddle him make it better but I need to explain. He deserves that at the very least. We can't pretend it never happened.

But how do I explain?

How do I tell him I love him, but not say that because we need to be whole again first? How do I tell him I want him to achieve his goals, but I fear him leaving me? How do I tell him I never wanted to hurt him because that was never my intention? How do I tell him that I was just worried he would leave me? How do I explain the pain I felt while doing it, while hurting him? How can I rationalize that sort of thing?

My mind blanks. He reveals more of himself from under the dark, warm covers, most likely thinking I'm going to proclaim something life changing like I'm moving out or I hate you. We meet eyes and I can tell that he saw my glossy tired eyes. The bags and the lack of happiness. I can tell. With lack of any explanation we just stare at one another, tears dripping from my eyes, and forming in his. I see how broken he is, how broken I made him. And I break before him, and just cry, turning my gaze away. I try and catch my breath for a few moments, finally succeeding. My eyes are tight now from more dried tears, throat hoarse from the salt dripping down it. But I meet his gaze, more confident now.

"I-I'm sorry." I break at the end again, tears falling again, our eyes meet and I know he understands, just like he always had. Just like he always will.

"Come here." He says softly after a moment, opening his arms to make room for me. I hesitate for a moment, not wanting to force this on him. But I meet his eyes and just know that everything is okay again. We're okay again. I shuffle over to his bed and get in next to him. He wraps his arms around my shoulders, instantly bringing me in for a hug. We stay like that for a long time until our eyes shut and our minds turned off. His warmth beside me was intoxicating, he was addictive. I love him, and I plan to tell him. Because I may not have what little Phil wanted and he might not have his goals, but I know that we both know that this, this is enough.


	18. Sleepy Movie Nights

Sleepy Movie Nights

Word Count: 1626

Type: Fluff, getting together, friends to lovers

Description: Dan and Phil need a movie night in and maybe just maybe, it'll be different this time.

A/N: I started writing this as something else but it didn't work so I cut that part out. I also am warning you, this might make you sleepy.

Dan had been editing for hours, trying to get the video done and up as it had been a while since he had last posted on his own channel. He'd just tweeted out the link and reblogged it on tumblr, finishing up for the day. Dan got out of bed, back aching from lying on it for far too long. Dan yawned squinting his eyes shut, pushing his hands above his head, stretching out his tight joints. He heard his door open, making him open his eyes to see Phil stood in his cookie monster pjs with his grey playlist live shirt on, getting comfortable for a night in. Phil smiled as he saw his best friend being all cute and tired. Dan smiled back, looking at his handsome housemate's eyes, glad to see him in pjs rather than jeans, possibly wanting to go grab something for dinner.

"I was wondering if you wanted to have a movie night." Phil asked leaning against the now open door frame. Dan had to admit that Phil looked very attractive leaning on the door like that, but Dan knew that it'd never happen, nothing was going to change between them, much to Dan's discontent. Dan beamed at Phil however, liking the prospect of cuddles for a few hours. Because in all honesty, these nights were more about cuddling then the movies, to both of them.

"Sure yeah let me get into my pjs, I'll be right out." Dan said turning around to get a pair of long pj bottoms and a black t-shirt that was used for lounging. Phil stood for a moment longer, watching as Dan went to his drawer to get some pjs. Phil would never admit to his slight, okay huge, crush on his best friend. He'd also never admit to hoping that tonight it would be different. Phil quickly darted away from the door frame before Dan could see him creepily watching him and his actions.

Dan quickly got changed into his clothes, shutting off his laptop before he made his way to the living room, already smelling the buttered popcorn Phil was sure to have made too much of. Dan's mind raced from tiredness, knowing he'd probably fall asleep in Phil's arms shortly after lying down. Not that either would complain. It was a fragile thing, their friendship, they could cuddle and snuggle and joke about how domestic they were, and nothing would change. They still were best friends, even if in the past when got a little too drunk, the lines may have gotten blurred and there may be a few hazy kisses in there. Shaking his head trying to get the thoughts of Phil's lips on his as he entered the room to see Phil sat on the sofa, sitting up slightly, but his long limbs were laid across the sofa, which were covered in a blanket, leaving room for Dan to squeeze next to him, pressed tightly. As always he would start with most of the room, but Dan would slowly gather more and more space until Phil couldn't move anymore and they were pressed together as close as possible, which is how they usually fell asleep on these nights, wrapped tightly in the others arms. The buttered popcorn sat next to Phil's hand at perfect reaching distance, knowing that it was going to be moved away when it was halfway through the first movie due to the constant need to wiggle even closer together. The TV displaying the movie they were going to watch first, and of course, it was Big Hero 6, Phil was always picking Disney and Pixar, at first, until the fourth movie or so in, then it turned to horror, which was most certainly not because he knew Dan would then need to sleep in his arms that night, because why on earth would Phil do that.

"I got it all set up, no get in here." Phil said opening the warm cocoon of blankets he was in shivering as the cold hit his clothed legs. Dan quickly got into the cocoon of warmth and Phil's arms, relaxing instantly. The lights were already off and it felt like an at home movie theater. Dan pressed his cold back up against Phil's warm chest, feeling Phil wrap his arm around his waist, pulling him as close as possible. Both of them sighed in content, not really paying mind to the butterflies that always erupted in both of their chest at the close contact. Dan and Phil snuggled even closer and began to watch the film. Dan's eyes already felt heavy, he let them close and listened to Phil's breathing that was slowly guiding Dan into sleep.

Around the halfway through the movie, Dan stirred in his sleep, turning his whole body to face Phil, intertwining their legs together, wrapping his arms around Phil's waist, bringing him even closer, if at all possible, cuddling his face into Phil's warm crook of his neck, breathing shallow breaths onto it as he was lulled back to sleep. Phil rubbed Dan's back as he slept, beginning to also feel sleepy, but wanting to stay up and relish in the feeling of Dan in his arms. It was slowly but surely become far too much work for Phil to keep his eyes open, so he let them fall closed. Letting sleep take over his body, pulling Dan closer with his last bit of might and energy.

Phil woke up no more than thirty minutes later to a loud crash, causing him to jar, and move Dan, hoping to anyone who would listen that he hadn't woken Dan up. Phil looked for the source of the loud crash, realizing it had been the plastic popcorn bowl, most likely spilling all of its contents onto the floor. He snuggled closer to Dan, kissing the top of his now slightly curly brown locks. Dan murmured into his shoulder. Making Phil freeze realizing Dan was awake.

"Why are you awake?" Dan mumbled moving his lips so they rested on Phil's neck, making Phil's heart flutter as it gave the feel of an almost neck kiss. Phil held Dan tighter, surprised he wasn't hurting him.

"The bowl fell, go back to bed love." Phil said, with tiredness in his voice and a groggy reality. It took him no more than thirty seconds for Phil to realize what he had said, hoping that Dan had payed no mind to it and drifted back into sleep. But of course he hadn't. Dan drew his head back from Phil's chest and shimmed up and back slightly, so his eyes sleep filled eyes were aligned with Phil's. His eyes were warm like hot chocolate and when he was sleepy they just got creamier. Phil and Dan starred at each other for a bit, before Dan's eyes closed again, making Phil think he had fallen back to sleep, but he was incorrect. Very incorrect, so incorrect that when Dan's lips met his shyly he almost pulled away, but yelped into the gentle kiss instead. Dan's lips were warm against his, moving hesitantly, but not tiredly. Phil began to move his slowly in time with Dan's. Phil's stomach was on fire, exploding in fireworks. This wasn't their first kiss, far from it, but it was the first one that they were both sober. Phil moved his hand to cup Dan's face while Dan moved his arms to around Phil's neck. Pulling Phil down softly, trying to bring him closer. The kiss got more heated, but was still slow paced, in no rush to get anywhere, just letting the kiss happen. After what felt like an eternity but still not long enough, Dan moved his lips off Phil's, panting against them, bumping noses together and touching foreheads. Phil opened his eyes slowly, taking in Dan's breathless dazed face, eyes still closed lightly. Dan's eyes fluttered open and Phil was caught up in Dan's utter beauty. He leaned forward slowly but quick enough, and captured Dan's lips into a small quick peck on the lips.

"I'm glad that bowl fell." Dan said after a moment, still sounding breathless, giggling as Phil started to laugh at the normal banter they could still go back into. Phil leaned in and captured his lips, having Dan kiss back immediately, but the kiss ended quickly due to their smiles making it impossible to properly kiss like they both desperately wanted. They starred at each other for a while, long enough for Dan's eyes to get heavy and his breathing start to slow down into sleep, but not before Phil spoke again.

"I'm in love with you, Dan." He whispered into Dan's hair, he felt Dan's lips on his neck and then heard Dan squeal, which was one of the cutest things Phil had ever heard.

"And I'm in love with you." Dan leaned up and pecked Phil's lips before counting. "Now, as much as I love you, I am really ti-"Dan got cut off by a yawn, squeezing his eyes shut as his mouth widen even more. "tired." Dan finished as he stopped yawning. Looking into Phil's eyes.

"I love you Dan, goodnight my love." Phil said kissing Dan's forehead, hearing Dan say one last thing before he drifted off into sleep again.

"Na night, we'll talk more in the morning, right?" And then Dan drifted to sleep, feeling Phil nodded in reply. It didn't take long for Phil to fall asleep as well. Falling into a deep sleep, tight in each other's arms, both knowing that tomorrow night and the night after that and so forth would be spent the same, only in a bed, together. And they had that all to thank on a sleepy movie night.


	19. Long Locks

Long Locks

Type: Gender-swap, hurt/comfort, fluff, teenage phan, prompted

Words: 621

Summary: Gender-swap fic! (Prompted) Philippa (Philly) brushing a complaining Daniella's hair.

A/N: I don't really like gender-swap fics so I don't read them, so this might be shit. Anyway, prompts are open, if you wanna submit one please!

The two were sat on the floor of Danny's room, giggling about who knows what. The sun was shining through the open window, a soft breeze flowing into the house. The atmosphere was calm around the teens, as it always was. Danny and Philly, as they were often called at school, were the best of friends. They constantly hung out, and if they weren't they were texting. The blue hues of the walls surrounding them reflected into the air, making Philippa's eyes even more blue than the already crystal blue they were. Danny envied Philly's beauty, the way her long black hair was always straight, without her even trying. Danny hated her hair, with its curls and knots. Not to mention the frizz that constantly surrounded it. Daniella spoke her thoughts out loud.

"I really hate my hair, it's always so unmanageable." Danny sigh, flopping down on the grey carpet beneath them, stuffing her face down into it.

"I think your hair is so pretty, with all the curls and waves. Mine's always straight and is so thin. Yours is always so pretty, Danny." Philippa argues with Danny's claim. To her, nothing is prettier than Danny. Although just friends, as they classify themselves despite the kisses and cuddle, Philippa has always admired Danny's beauty.

"No it's not, look it's even tangled now!" Danny says, pulling her hair away from her head after removing her face from the carpet in order to be hear properly. Silence rested in the air for a moment while the conversation took a break. Philly thought for a minute before speaking her thoughts.

"Danny, could I brush your hair?" Philippa says softly, leaning over to Danny and tracing her fingers through Daniella's light caramel hair. Daniella giggles at the sudden change in how the conversation went, but nods her head in reply. Philippa removed her fingers from their position of tracing through the caramel hair. Philly sighed as she stood up to go and get the brush, laying on Danny's makeup stand. Smiling at the prospect of running her fingers through her best friend's hair, and brushing the knots away, all while telling Danny how pretty her hair was. The other had moved to rest on the side of her bed, making the bed dip slightly as she sat.

"Please be careful, Philly." Daniella spoke softly, knowing her own struggles of brushing her hair in the morning. It was constantly tangled, with huge knots. Philly, knowing about Danny's hair knot problem, smiles slightly as Danny smiled up at him telling him the statement.

"I will, don't worry." Philippa soothed Danny, rubbing the younger's back to calm her down once she had sat on the bed behind her. Philippa parted the hair and placed the brush towards the bottom of her long locks. Moving the brush downward, Philly soon runs into a snag, but continues on anyway.

"OW! Philly that hurts!" Daniella complains loudly, feeling as though her hair was being ripped out.

"Sorry love!" Philippa cringed as she hurt Danny. She continued brushing Daniella's hair, coming with a few knots and tangles here and there, but managed to finish without much more complaints for the younger.

"There, now do you feel more beautiful?" Philly asked Danny, resulting in Daniella to turn and look at her, facing her now.

"Not really, it's still curly. I want straight hair like yours!" Danny replies back honestly.

"Well I think you look beautiful." Philly said softly, leaning in and pecking her best friend's cheek quickly before getting up and placing the brush back where she found it. Danny sat there, just blushing all the while.

If she got kisses after Philly brushing her hair, she'd have her brush it more often.


	20. For Everything

For Everything

Words: 1021

Type: Fluff, Established relationship, cuddles

Summary: Phil thinks about how crazy his reality is while watching a storm and couch cuddles might result.

The storm outside the big tour bus windows was absolutely beautiful. Normally used to the dark grey cloud covered skies back in England, almost always producing rain, Phil was fascinated by the colors captivated inside of the clouds that rolled in the horizon and the loud cracks of thunder. Lightning erupted in the distance, flashing brightly just beyond the trees, the white and dazzling yellow conflicting with the dark purple and blues of the clouds. The moon hidden behind the puffy dark and light clouds, still shinning despite the lack of its visibility to the world. The sound of rain hitting the pavement echoed throughout the otherwise silent world engulfing Phil.

Surrounded by the warmth provided by a soft blanket cocoon he had wrapped himself in while he laid down on the sofa across from the large tinted tour bus window, protected safe and sound under the roof of their bus. Phil stared outside the window, thinking about how crazy his reality was. Here he was, lounging on a sofa, wrapped in a warm blanket, on a tour bus, _his_ tour bus, with his best friend in the other room, whilst touring America. Not only that, but the fact that this was due to a book he wrote with said best friend, which was sold to millions of people, of which watched his videos online. And this was their second tour, first of America. Their almost sold out tour. Phil cracked a soft smile at the thought of how he never could have imaged this for his future. Even now, he's not quite sure how all of this happened. All he knows is he bought a cereal box won a black and white camera. Then he began making crappy videos on the internet that somehow got him some notice, one person in which was called danisnotonfire who he replied to without thought. And that reply turned into one of the best things he has. And, somewhat suddenly, here they were. Here Phil was, living a literal dream, one he never thought would happen due to one tweet in reply to a cute boy who watched his videos and was so happy to receive that tweet. Who squealed when he got it and who somehow found himself skyping with his youtube crush. Phil knew that his past self would never believe him if he were to be told he'd be touring in America with that one cute boy he'd met online called Dan.

Phil was snapped from his reminiscing thoughts by the soft crack of his and Dan's bedroom door being opened, with an emerging Dan dressed in his camo pajama top and dark grey joggers coming out of it. Phil's eyes softened at the soft, tired, adorable younger man yawning in front of him, feeling his heart, even still to this day, flutter just a tad. Their eyes met, ocean blue staring into warm brown. Phil gladly opened up his cocoon as a signal for Dan to get into it so they could cuddle closely, as Phil knew Dan wasn't the best with thunder and lightning. Dan sleepily trotted over to Phil, shuffling his feet, climbing under the blanket with minimum struggle and snuggling up against the older man's chest, pressing his face into Phil's neck. Phil smiled contently, kissing the top of Dan's curly brown hair lightly as they cuddled. As their hearts beat in unison, Phil couldn't help but think how normal this was, allowing Dan to come into his own little world, just as it was all the way back in 2009. With the thought passing in his mind, he squeezed Dan a little bit closer, resulting in a content sigh from the younger.

"I love you, you know." Phil stated softly into the comfortable silence that had settled around them, with the sound of the rain hitting the ground playing in the background.

"Yeah, I love you too sometimes." Dan joked, feeling his heart flutter at Phil's words, even after hearing them for years, still feeling himself falling deeper and deeper in love with the man who was snuggled against him.

Silence surrounded them for a minute or two more as the pair's thoughts raced, relaxing for the first time in a while since the tour kicked off. Phil broke the silence after a crack of thunder was heard in the distance. "Do you ever think about how crazy out life is?" He played with one of Dan's curls as he waited for a reply as Dan thought. "One reply, Bear, one second of my time turned into _this._ " Phil marveled at his fortune, as not only did he find a best friend, but a soul mate as well.

"Someone's feeling a little sappy today huh?" Dan giggled against Phil's neck, nuzzling into it a tad more. "But, yeah, I do." Dan paused for a moment before continuing. "All the time actually." He blushed slightly at his confession. "If you hadn't replied to me I wouldn't have any of this." Dan mumbled, feeling a strange sense of sadness hitting him, before he was squeezed by Phil, who must have sensed Dan was thinking of his life without the other in it. "Thank you, Phil." Dan said after a moment of silence.

"For what Bear?" Phil asked with a giggle at Dan's sudden statement.

"For everything." Dan replied simply, snuggling closer to Phil, even though the task was almost impossible. Phil hummed in acknowledgement at what Dan had meant. He kissed Dan's hair once again, running his hands down the younger's sides, reaching for his hand, intertwining them. With their hands clasped together they fell back into the comfortable silence that had surrounded them before their little chat. The storm outside the bus was still raging on. The colors still the dark purple and blues of before. The sound of rain still echoing around the couple. Still, lightning would flash every now and then. But here they sat, change, even if only a little, by the small, but meaningful conversation. A renewed realization that everything they had, they had together. And neither would change that for the world.


	21. Normality

Normality

Words: 1915

Type: Fluff, First Kiss, Getting Together, cuddles.

Summary: After long months of touring, Dan and Phil arrive home. And though all Dan wanted was to sleep in his own bed, he couldn't fall asleep after sleeping in Phil's arms for months. So Dan decides he'll go sleep with Phil then.

As their tour just ended, Dan and Phil awoke in their flat for the first time in months. Finally home. Finally. It had been months since they had a chance to rest, let alone be home. Their tours, for now at the very least, were over. The fact was both sad and pleasing at the same time somehow. They both were utterly exhausted from the long nights they had put in, not to mention the constant time changes they went through (what's up with that America?) and sad to see an end to the happy faces of their viewers meeting them. And on Dan's part, maybe it had a little to do with the fact that now he and Phil wouldn't have to share a bed anymore. But if it was, he was most definitely keeping that tidbit to himself.

They had returned home the previous night, or rather earlier this morning, and promptly headed their separate ways to bed, much to Dan's disappointment. He was going to miss the lazy morning cuddles that neither one of them ever spoke about nor objected. He was going to miss the arms that wrapped around him pulling him close to Phil's chest and hearing his heart beat in Dan's ear. And the worst thing perhaps was that he thought that no matter how close he was too Phil or how close Phil was to him, it was not going to be an easy thing to be with that person _constantly_. No more than twenty minutes apart was most defiantly going to be exhausting. Something like that was what Dan had in mind when they set out on their tour for months away from home, even though they both loved spending time with the other. Yet that's not what he felt. It was most definitely not what he felt. And that shocked him a bit. The knowledge that he could spend every minute with Phil and _still_ not want to be apart was concerning to say the least. He figured it might have something to do with his longing for the boy he had fallen for, but he would never admit that to himself, let alone anyone else.

With these thoughts zooming through his overly tired mind, Dan had headed to bed with a sleepy 'na night' to his flat mate and almost literally passed out from sheer exhaustion, but not for long. As the sun rose in the sky signaling the start of the day, Dan stirred. His eyes fluttered open and he groaned. He knew what he needed, as this happened all the time while they were on tour. He would wake up in the middle of the night and flip and flop trying absolutely everything in his power to make himself fall asleep, but all that would make him sleep was when Phil pulled in tight against his chest. The steady heartbeat always easing him to a peaceful rest. Dan spent quite a while of debating whether or not going into Phil's room to fall asleep was in the bounds of their friendship.

"Fuck it." He muttered, standing and walking towards Phil's room as the need for rest got the better of him. He almost found it odd that all he wanted was to be home, in his bed while on tour and now that he was here, all he wanted was to be back with Phil in a bed, cuddling. He tip toed to the other's door, which was slightly cracked, as always. He stood for a moment, debating if this decision was a good one. As a yawn took over his face, he decided it would have to be and crept in the room. He didn't want to bother Phil so, once he had silently creep towards 'his' side of the bed he just slipped under the covers next to him, instantaneously relaxing into the comfort of Phil, though still not wrapped in his arms. Though he tried not to wake Phil, it seemed his efforts failed him as he was met with the crack of blue eyes peering up at him sleepily.

"I couldn't sleep." Dan whispered quietly, not looking at Phil's sleepy eyes, afraid that Phil would want him out, though he knew Phil would never ask him to leave. Phil never asked Dan to leave his side. He was embarrassed to say that he thinks he got himself into a habit of being in Phil's arms and he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to break it, which is a problem, as they, despite Dan's hopes, are not a couple. But that's for the morning. Right now all he wants is sleep and Phil.

"C'mere." Phil murmured sleepily, his eyes fluttering shut as he opened his arms up, lifting his cover made cocoon, for Dan to crawl into. Dan easily slipped into the comforting embrace, feeling a sense of home come with it. As Phil's arms wrapped tightly around his waist, his eyes already felt heavy as Phil's heartbeat filled his ears, lulling him to sleep.

The next morning, Dan awoke to the feeling of someone looking at him. He slowly came to and opened his eyes in little slits. Phil was awake next to him, his arms still holding Dan loosely, sliding his hands up and down Dan's back; making the younger shutter at the sensation. Dan made a squished face at the prospect of being woken up, and buried his face beck into Phil's chest.

"Why are we up?" Dan muttered against Phil's chest. He felt Phil's chest raise and fall with his laughter, which made Dan's heart flutter with happiness, just because Phil was happy.

"Because it's nearing one in the afternoon and if we want to salvage any of our sleeping schedule we have to be." Phil replied, pulling his chest away from Dan so Dan would have to look him in the eyes. Dan's mind raced when their eyes connected.

Here they are. Home. Yet here they are wrapped in each other's arms. Legs tangled under the covers. Although they had the whole flat to themselves, even though Dan was sure Phil was a bit tired of Dan always being by him, they both still wanted to be with each other. To both in more ways than one. Dan, having had a crush on Phil since even before the ebony haired man noticed him, really wanted to stop pinning and do something about it. That was his personal goal he had while on tour. Though, as noted by the fact that he wasn't in Phil's bed in the first place last night, that didn't quite happen.

And as Phil gazed down at the adorable man in his arms his mind couldn't help but race. Phil longed to close the gap between the two, kissing the soft chapped lips of the younger one. Making his stomach fill with the butterflies he knew would appear once he finally kissed Dad. Phil's want to be with the other developed slowly over skype then almost seemly instantly when the brunet ran into his arms at the train station. And in that moment, it seemed all Phil could ever want was right there in front of him. He wanted to have Dan in his arms every night. Tour was a bliss with all the cuddles and late night giggles. And here they were, home, but still cuddling, yet Phil longed to be closer.

Both wanted more. But neither could bring themselves to have the courage to do anything about it. As sometimes, it's easy to think but not to act. That was at least the excuse they both gave themselves. And as the years passed, that fact got more evident. Though it became clearer that neither had the intention of finding a lifelong partner (they both already had one, just not in the partner way they wanted), they both still ignored it. It is better to have him as a best friend then to not have him at all, they both thought every time they struggled with the desire to be with the other.

And that's what brought them here.

Cuddling closely in Phil's bed after a couple months of touring. Together. Though it was silent, it had a feeling of normality to it. Which the thought in itself scared Dan. Normality should not be lying in bed with your best friend's legs and your own intertwined as you both ignore.

But it is.

And normality should most definitely not be going into said best friend's room at night and cuddling with them because you couldn't fall asleep alone after sleeping in the same bed for months.

But it is.

And normality should very much not be wanting to be impossibly closer to that best friend.

But it is.

Seconds ticked by and neither spoke. Phil pulled Dan closer a little, noses bumping a tad bit, but neither cared. The moment was bliss. They both just looked at each other. Their features clearly showing the tiredness they both felt, but along with a sense of happiness and content. Their eyes found each other's gaze. Neither wanting to break it. The silence around them was a comfortable one, though both thought that this was most definitely not something in the bounds of a normal friendship. The too close cuddles, the longing that no one spoke about. But then again, when was their friendship ever a normal one. Phil sighed contently, closing his eyes and bumping his nose against Dan's. The younger let out a cute little giggle, shutting his eyes lightly just as Phil's fluttered open. And Phil just looked at him in those split seconds. The thoughts of how all of this felt normal and right. The thought of how Dan's voice was the best sound to his ears. The thought of the feeling of Dan's breathing and body against his. The thought of Dan.

So he leaned in.

Their lips brushed, but neither pulled away, only closer. Their lips brushed slowly against one another's. It was on the line of testing the waters and of normality where it felt like they always had done this. IT was slow, and it was soft, but it was perfect. Though only lasting a few seconds as their smiles made kissing rather difficult.

As they broke apart, eyes fluttering open, smiles breaking across both their lips, they both had a love filled gaze set on the other. Dan and Phil giggled at the way their eyes looked so love sick puppy, so normally, so naturally. After a moment, Phil pulled Dan closer to his chest once again. Relishing in the feeling of love and content. He placed a kiss on the top of Dan's hair, running his fingers down Dan's back again. Silence engulfed them once again, both knowing there was no need for words. The two falling into a sleep like state again shortly after, not talking about the situation. They didn't need to, they knew that the slow kiss felt natural and normal. And both knew that words would only complicate things. But, still Phil need to say one thing before sleep fully over took them again.

"I love you Bear." He whispered. He felt Dan's smile tug against his chest.

"I love you too Phil." He muttered back, lifting his head away from Phil's chest to kiss his cheek, before falling back to the elder's chest.

It shouldn't feel normal to love your best friend.

But it is.


End file.
